𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐑 | 𝖫𝖧𝖲

𝐭𝐞𝐧: 좌절 (frustration)

"i like you a lot, jieun."

my jaw dropped when i spotted jake and jieun behind the bushes. he actually confessed.

something in me shattered when i heard jieun's giggle. for sure, he was able to make her happy and i definitely didn't want to ruin that. she should be happy and stay with whoever made her feel butterflies in her stomach.

"there never was a crush i got to ask out. it was made up. simply because i got jealous of you and heeseung. and before it was too late, i just wanted to tell you this. the little kisses and hugs actually meant something to me, they had a meaning. didn't you like... feel at least a tiny bit when we were alone?"

now i was confused. guess that's what happens when you don't listen to the whole conversation.

i didn't even bother to listen to jieun's answer. based on what i heard and experienced, she would definitely go out with him. jake was a better guy after all; a handsome senior with a huge knowledge who was also everyone's crush. the looks and personality were on point and the fact that he was asking jieun out. i didn't have a chance.

on top of that, sunghoon spotted me in the hallways as i entered the building with a heavy feeling in my chest: "heeseung!"

"good morning, hoon. long time no see." "true. we haven't hung out with the others because of school, right? but guess what: you're invited to a party!"

a party?

"what do you mean?", i asked. "jay and me are throwing a party! this weekend. mainly because i want to ask kazuha out.", he answered and led us to the classroom. "you're kidding me. that's literally riki's cousin.", i argued.

hoon just shrugged in response: "doesn't change the fact that we want to throw a party."

———

"an invitation?", i asked jungwon. the younger one stood in front of me as i wanted to leave school since it was finally over, nodding at my question: "i heard you're living in our neighbourhood! we planned on having a party in jay's house, you're very much welcome to come over too!"

"but we all don't even have anything in common... i'm pretty much an outsider.", i replied before my breath hitched. "heeseung's friends are our friends as well! just come over on saturday, we'd be happy to see you. and if you don't feel comfortable, bring your brother along."

"okay, i'll think about it. thank you very much for the invitation though!", i exclaimed and left after i bowed at him.

i had no idea where heeseung was, i would have loved to walk home with him. zuha and shu left early as well, what a joke. i thought we'd hang out almost everyday now that they were by my side. but it seemed like they left me at some point.

because i wanted to entertain myself somehow, i opened the red envelope with a card in it.

you're invited to our bloody birthday party.

sometimes, walking down the deadly path
without fleeing from death itself
can give rise to the most wondrous creation.

we hope you will be able to come.

 
"jieun! hey, brat! stop walking so fast, god damn it!"

kyungjun grabbed me by my backpack and made me look at his face: "why weren't you waiting? don't you know how dangerous it is for a woman to walk alone?"

"kyungjun, it's literally midday."

"i don't care. you should wait for me next time. what are you holding anyway?" he snatched the invitation card out of my hand and read through it: "jieun, you despise parties more than anything else."

"that's not true! most of the polaroids on my wall were made during hangouts and little parties!" "keep telling yourself that. i'll get jake and we're going as three people."

"that's the worst idea i've ever heard."

"why? scared we might leave you alone? i'm sure zuha and shu are going-"

"he confessed today and i rejected him.", i blurted out. kyungjun frowned and came to a halt as he stared at me in disbelief: "run that by me again?" it looked like he wasn't only confused, but also ready to throw hands. i wouldn't have an idea how to react if my best friend actually confessed to my brother either.

"he wanted to meet up this morning and then... he just confessed. but for your sake, i kindly turned him down."

"hm.", kyungjun commented, "very interesting. because he said he was crushing on a girl from our class. you're definitely not in our class."

"great you noticed!", i sarcastically answered and continued walking, "if you consider joining jay's party, go with jake. i'll either attend it earlier or later than you two."

my mood was immediately killed, so i just continued walking home as if nothing happened.

but something did happen. it reminded me very much of my friendship with heeseung as i confessed back then: it became awkward between us, we didn't talk and just continued living without the other. as much as i wanted to avoid it, i didn't know how to reach out to jake, now that i knew his feelings.

"argh! this is so frustrating!", i yelled and ruffled my own hair. soon, my brother caught up on me and just remained silent. guess he understood that i didn't want to talk or be bothered by him.

what am i supposed to do now?

i don't like jake, i like heeseung after all.