Midnight

Chapter Nineteen

In the three days that had past since what he referred as the incident Hyuga had yet to say something about it. She casually came to train as before and spoke as she used to. That night after the odd answer she offered she drunk her remaining drink in one sip, bowed hurriedly and left. Sasuke stayed in his place and couldn't do much expect watching her in her weird mannerism. If he observed anything out of place in the meantime, that would be that she brought juice or food beside her water as she came. The other thing he has seen and discarded at first but as the time passed he was sure she did it on purpose. When they took a break from their training, she cut some of the grass around them and put it close to her nose. Then she made a disappointed expression and let the wind blown it away out of her hands.
One time, she broke too quickly out of the genjutsu and before he realised, she had leaned closer as to smell him. When he frowned, she moved away and never spoke of it.
She was weird. If he recalled, he had that image of her even in their academy days when he never sparred a second thought on the quiet, gloomy girl with the big eyes. That image didn't change in the present and as he interacted with her more, the weirder he found her. He understood by now she was depressed for the loss of her cousin and she blamed herself not only for that but for every calamity her family had endured. Even for him, that had thought from their early interactions that something was wrong, took him a lot of time to figure it out. He couldn't understand if that weird behaviour was once again an act to throw him out of balance. He couldn't understand what she thought of the kiss he had placed on her lips or her reaction after it. He couldn't understand if he was keeping her on balance until Naruto finally showed up or if she was drown on guilt when they parted. He couldn't figure her out at all. Sasuke didn't like that. He was on edge with people like her that made him question everything.
He cursed himself that night when she left. He replayed in his head the thoughts that led him to act like he did and he couldn't find a reasonable reason for his actions. He was sick of her apologising over everything. It felt like she was asking for forgiveness for something more deep than what was in front of them. He didn't like the voice she was making when she was saying it. It made him feel empty. He wanted her to stop, to finally learn her lesson and never speak of the word ever again. It was a reflex to shut her up. He blamed the drink and his relaxed muscles after the previous tension of the night. He blamed her for showing up with a face he hadn't seen before. The excitement in her eyes when he showed up, like he alone was what she had always been waiting. She never said why she came, only a vague reason that at that time felt enough.
He sighed. She had already left an hour ago and he still thought of her. He didn't like the invasion of her existence in his mind.

____

When she run that night, the only thing on her mind was the taste. The feeling was so foreign and lost so much time before, it startled her. When she entered the house, she went straight to the kitchen and opened every box she could find. Her tongue numbed after a while, since she filled her mouth with different spices. The sense seemed to wore off from its initial intensity but it was still there. She could tell even vaguely the difference between the boxes.
It wasn't as strong as his but it was still there. She was in a haze when she laid in bed that night. The usual nightmare came but before it could form properly the scenery changed in a field full of mint. It was as if her body was fighting on its own for survival.
She thought of thanking him but was reluctant to do so. He had warned her too many times to not apologise and even if she could not understand why he insisted so much on that she should have respected his wishes. She should be thankful he didn't filled her mouth with her drink like last time because it was strong enough to make her cough. He didn't seem to want to talk about it either since he never mention it the days that passed. For him it was a reflex, maybe he had done it too many times to give more thought to the matter. The girls were drown on him since they were little. Even now she had spotted glances on him as they were passing the streets. Maybe a gesture would be more appropriate as a thank you.
He had given her something she thought was lost forever. She couldn't understand why a small weight was lifted or when she started to speak freely about her thoughts. She suspected it was his behaviour that led her to be more truthful. He wasn't praising her nor looking back with sympathy. He never seemed to worry on her behalf or caring enough to help. At some point, it became easy to be in his presence. She even run to him to share something she couldn't quite understand. Even then he remained unfaced about her abnormal behaviour. Perhaps they were so unfamiliar with each other that helped her relax.
In the days to come she tried to smell as many things as she could with no vain.
When the haze of the sudden change past, the familiar hand of guild started to crawl back.
It was one these mornings that she woke up from a dream and thought Neji was still alive. The crushing feeling of loss came back suddenly as she rubbed her eyes. She hated these moments the most. She woke up in a different world only to realise the dark reality.
Her mind was elsewhere as she sat across him as usual. The feeling of the past days was forming into an otherworldly ugliness. She had dared to see more light into the sky. How could she do that. She didn't deserve it. She looked at the grass between her fingers and asked herself why she had hoped to smell its scent. This was something Neji would never see. The field of mint moved further away.
"Oi" His voice woke her from her thoughts.
She moved her hands from the ground onto her lap.
She looked at him and he just starred at her for a while.
"Why are you like this today?" He finally spoke.
"I am as always Sasuke-kun." She broke their contact for a moment and in next the scenery around them changed.
They were training for days on her ability to be unaffected by her greatest mistake. He said, she should experience it many times until it meant nothing to her. She knew that would never happen but it was obvious she was getting better at escaping it.
The dark sky came in sight as the battlefield shaped to match her memory. She looked at her side and she realised that he wasn't there as usual. It took her a moment to realise that she wore her vest and she wasn't an observer anymore. She panicked when she saw Naruto on the ground and an attack coming towards him too far for her to help him. The black roads pierced his body and he fell lifeless to the ground. She screamed on the sight and run to him with tears on her face. She never reached as the genjutsu stopped. Her heart pounded faster when the familiar stoic face was in front of her again.
"Why?" She asked in her lowest voice.
An answer never came as he was trapping her again in her nightmare. This time she was close but not enough. She saw Neji moving in front of Naruto and as a reflex she stand behind him. She felt the pain of the impact not realising the line between reality and dream anymore. She bent her knees that couldn't support her body and saw her cousin screaming her name as he run to her side. She couldn't understand much as she felt the life slowly reaching out of her but she saw Neji's tears and the broken face he was making. Naruto said something as he leaned forward only for her cousin to push him aside. He took her body that hung form a thread in his arms.
"Hinata-sama no. Why did you do it? No. I was supposed to protect you."
"Everything will be alright Neji-nisan." She smiled before her pain stopped.
She saw Naruto on the ground even if she knew she was dead. Countless bodies beside him. The scene changed as time flew by in a second and Neji was older, alone in his room. A knife was on his hands, tears on his eyes. She read his lips forming a sorry before he pulled the knife on his stomach. A picture of her was on the floor. She tried to run to him but she couldn't as she was dead already many years before. She screamed but her voice wasn't heard. A ghost can't help the living.
She watched again the aftermath of Naruto's death. The world was lost with only void remaining. She watched her funeral as her friends crying. She saw her father collapse and heard her sister's screams. She was slowly losing her mind. She couldn't escape. It was as he had laid layer after layer until she forgot this wasn't real.
He let her go when she gave in the false reality. She took a breath of air and tried to stop the tears on her eyes.
He stayed across her with his stoic never changing face.
"Are you happy with any of the things I showed you?"
Hinata couldn't answer, she was feeling overwhelmed.
"Stop crying and answer me."
He lost his patience and grabbed her hand pulling her close. He roughly wiped the tears of her face.
"Why are you crying? Isn't that what you wanted?"
"I..I wanted..a better.."
"There isn't anything better Hyuga. This is war. And war is cruel. Accept that."
"But Neji.."
"You protected Naruto. That is all that matters to me."
"But I chose..."
"Naruto over you. Not your cousin."
She seemed to be able to control her emotions for a second until a wave hit her chest and her eyes blurred. She needed to hide her face from the world for a while. She let it fall on his chest and as she recalled much later a burnt wood hit her nose.

_____

Sasuke had sensed as soon as he saw her that something was wrong. He wasn't a man of words and he didn't know how to console. If another was there perhaps the woman wouldn't shake from the tears. But the only thing he knew was the blunt truth. He saw her the alternatives of what would may happen in a hope that she would finally overcome her grief. It seemed he overdone it as she couldn't stop crying. He felt her tear on his chest, her uneven breath reaching his skin. This wasn't the way after all. He put his hands on her arms to straighten her body. She felt the move and put hers behind his back as of she was hugging him. His palms felt awkward on the way they were left almost in the air. As he didn't know what to do with it, he placed them on her hair.