If I Only Were

Their words rung in my head.
Over and over and over again. Countless times.
You have your mother's eyes!
I don't want to have her eyes.
Nothing but a mutt!
Maybe, maybe I am.
Mutation!
I'm...sorry...
You idiot!
I really am an idiot, aren't I?
You? You're just a mistake!
I believe you, alright?
Hey! Aria! I've got the perfect nickname for you! Suicidal Whore!
It's not even worth arguing anymore.
Maybe you should just go home, and kill yourself!
You don't know how many times I've tried.
Maybe everything would be better if you just commit suicide and disappear!
I'm trying...
We hate you and these stupid conversations. It's not worth it.
I hate myself too... And I know, I'm not worth it.
Sorry not sorry.
I wouldn't be sorry either.
Oh? You're still here? I thought you'd make your way to the grave by now.
I don't know how I made it this far into my life, honestly.
So, I heard people at your school call you a suicidal whore. Is that true? Because it really really is true.
Yeah, I'm called that. And I'm not going to argue anymore.
You just cracked my iPhone screen. Your face is too hideous Aria.
I know.. I'm sorry...
Okay. I can't believe you're not dead yet.
I'm trying, believe me...
My sister told me to check out your page. I hated every second of it. You're ugly, and probably a whore.
So I've been told...
I hope I never see you again.
I know how you feel...
You need to stop trying. Seriously.
I have...
I'm surprised you can get through the day.
I am too... But I was slowly dying inside.
Now's just the real time.
-
I'm ready to die. To go to heaven or hell and get out of this cruel world.
I wrote a suicide note, mainly consisting of Asher, Addison, and Gracie.
Under that, I put in giant, bold cursive letters: My Mind.
Everything in my life just seemed to come crashing down all at once.
And you know what I hated through it all?
I couldn't stand hearing people tell me to stay strong and to keep fighting. What they don't understand is that I've already lost, and I'm done fighting.
-
I grabbed my razor, and pushed against my neck...hard.
I did that until my vision went white. Glimmering white. Heavenly white.
They say our life is already written out, like a play.
I just wish I could've seen the script in order to have played my part better.
If.
I.
Only.
Were.