The Mandalorian Jedi

Chapter Thirty Two

When the world finally came into focus again I was seated in a seat on a shuttle headed to Naboo. The babies were sleeping across from where I sat next to Yoda and Obi-Wan. Bail stood by the window watching as we landed. We ended up in some secure base somewhere. Hiding out until we figured out where to go next. It didn't take long, for the others at least. It was decided the children would be split up. Bail would take Leia, Owen and Beru would take Luke while Obi-Wan watched over him. Yoda would travel to some remote planet, Dagobah. And me? I had absolutely no idea. Away. Stay hidden, don't draw any attention and wait for the right moment.

Bail left first and I followed after him almost immediately,
"Bail!"
"Rhea?"
"Hold up a second," I pulled a communicator out of my pocket. My fingers brushed up against the hastily folded nursery plans as I did so. I probably should have given them to him for Leia but I was selfish. I wanted something to remind me of before all this, "found it in a drawer somewhere. I've got one for Obi too. If you ever need anything. If Leia ever needs anything. Just call. Please." For a moment I thought he wouldn't take it but slowly he reached his hand out and I placed it in his palm,
"I truly hope the need will never arise. Take care Rhea, I do hope we will meet again one day, under brighter circumstances."
"I'm sure we will. Take good care of her." He bowed his head slightly, picked Leia up from where a droid cradled her and allowed me a moment to place a kiss on her forehead before he turned and walked away.

I was standing alone in that hallway for a long while before Obi-Wan came to stand next to me, Luke cradled in his arms. We just stood there for a moment, staring down the hall to the doors. I knew we were both thinking the same thing, that maybe if we just stood here forever it would all go away. What waited us outside of those doors would cease to exist.
"What are you going to do?" I turned to look at him. He looked exhausted and there was something in his eyes I had never seen before. A part of him missing. Lost in the fire of Mustafar. The same part of myself I had lost watching Mace fall from that Windu.
"I don't know. Lay low for a while. Try not to die. Start looking for Grogu, maybe figure out what Palpatine meant."
"You don't think he was telling the truth do you?"
"Something's missing Obi, something big. I want to find out what it is."
"Don't do anything stupid Rhea. Some day Luke and Leia are going to need you."
"I'm good at surviving Obi. Besides there is no way in hell I'm going to miss watching the Empire collapse, even if it takes a lifetime."
"One day at a time Rhea, one day at a time."
"Of course Master."
"Oh right, one other thing. Yoda wanted me to tell you that considering the circumstances you are now a Jedi Master and should he or I die it is his wish that you become the Grandmaster of the Jedi."
"Isn't that meant for all the creepily old Jedi? Besides the Jedi aren't really a thing anymore."
"If you're going to complain, complain to him."
"I'm not complaining, just pointing out the obvious." He sighed and I smiled slightly, "Y'know maybe I should try the whole Mandalorian thing out again. My mother's armour is still stashed in a vault somewhere on Coruscant."
"You might want to wait a few years before attempting to retrieve it."
"Sure." The conversation halted there until I decided to ask the obvious question, "are you okay?"

...

"No. I don't think okay is something I'm ever going to be again. I keep seeing him, burning on the ground. Screaming at me. It's my fault. I should've seen this, I should have stopped it, been a better Master."
"You're more of an idiot than I thought you were if you truly believe it's your fault. Palpatine manipulated him, he is the only one to blame."
"It doesn't change the fact that I would give anything to hear him argue with Ahsoka one last time, or laugh at one of your stupid jokes." I didn't have anything to say to that except to agree, "I should really be on my way."
"Right." I was swallowing back tears as I hugged him one last time and kissed Luke's forehead, "take care of yourself Obi-Wan. If you ever need anything," I handed him the communicator, "call. Bail has one too."
"Thank you, Rhea."
"I better see you again Obi."
"Of course. Don't get yourself into too much trouble. May the force be with you."
"And with you Obi-Wan."

Yoda came to stand beside me as we watched him leave. I kept myself upright and attempted to stop the onrush of tears by biting my lip as hard as possible. It worked long enough for me to say goodbye to Yoda.

"Told you my wish Obi-Wan did, yes?"
"Yeah. I'm grateful, really Master but there isn't exactly a Jedi order left to be a Master of."
"A new order there will be one day. Better. Help force sensitive children will need. Control they must be taught. Taught by you they will be, long from now. Create a Jedi Order to be Master of you will."
"That's awfully optimistic."
"All we have left it is. Feel alone you do but alone you are not. Now, maybe but find your people you will. Survive you will, and live you will too. Not finished with you yet is the galaxy Rhea Keldau. Just the beginning this is for you."
"I sure hope so Master because right now there doesn't seem to be much left to live for."
"The children, you will live for them, Grogu too. Many destinies you have and fulfil them you will." He sounded so confident I almost wanted to believe him.
"Thank you Master. For everything."
"Very welcome you are. To Dagoba I will go. With you the force is, trust in it you must." With that he hobbled away and I was left standing there in the hallway, Naakla sitting at my feet.

For the first time in my life I felt completely and utterly hopeless.

The overwhelming pressure of the silence built up and up and up until I couldn't bare it anymore and I just screamed. A deep, guttural scream full of every ounce of frustration, sadness, anger. All of it. Every atom of pain that had been slowly building up over the past... I didn't even know how long had passed since Mace fell from that window. I didn't stop. I just kept going as my legs gave out and I was left kneeling on the floor, my hands clutched around my waste with my chest pressed to my knees, rocking back and forth. At some point the screaming turned into big, ugly, heaving sobs.

Finally when there was nothing left I sat up, wiped my eyes, stroked Naakla's head and pushed myself off the floor. I allowed myself one final glance towards the room where Padme's body lay shrouded in a white blanket. There was no way for me to attend the funeral, not without the risk of being found. I took a deep breath and walked down the hallway and out of those doors. I took a moment to look around the ships parked and made my way over to a Fang Fighter, a Mandalorian starfighter which was incredibly useful in combat. Who the hell would be looking for a Jedi in a Mandalorian? With a few tweaks in the cockpit I made room for Naakla to curl up and only minutes later we were in the air.

I didn't know where I was going and I didn't have a gods damned clue what I was going to do. It was terrifying and yet, despite the circumstances, in that moment, the idea of it was exhilarating. I had every intention of enjoying that feeling for however long it decided to stick around.