The Mandalorian Jedi

Chapter Twenty Nine

I killed them ten minutes after I left Grogu. It was quick, right in the middle of the temple. They died on the carpets which I had walked along thousands of times, laughing and joking with them. I found myself curled up in an alcove five minutes after that with my knees pressed against my chest and my head pressed into my hands trying to stop my violent sobbing telling anyone where I was and wondering if I should. Thinking that maybe I should just let them find me and kill me. What did I have left to lose? Grogu was safe and everyone I had ever loved was dead. Maybe I was a coward, or maybe a part of me realised that eventually I would find something worth surviving for, I just had to make it there. Ka'ra's rough tongue against my face pulled me back into focus. Naakla was crouched in front of me, her ears back and teeth bared, the dread I felt when I found what she was preparing to save me from was somehow worse than what I already felt. I had thought Anakin was the only family I would see fighting on the opposite side. I was wrong.

She looked different. Her hair was straight for once, not tangled around her horns or tied into something vaguely similar to a braid and her eyes... they matched the red of her skin. Red that had never seemed particularly like anything until now but coupled with the tattoos and the dark cloak she looked... well the dictionary definition of evil. I stood up as she approached, my hands involuntarily moving to grip my sabers. The clones behind her didn't move an inch.
"What have you done Norah?"
"The right thing. We can be together now, the Jedi are gone Rhea. We don't need to follow their rules anymore. We can just be us."
"Whatever he's promising you Nor... is it worth it? Killing everyone you've ever loved because what, you think I'll be impressed?"
"No, no don't pin this on me. Their blood is on your hands Rhea. All of this, I'm doing it for you. If you had just listened then they wouldn't be dead, we could be across the galaxy living a life."
"Is that what you're going to tell yourself at night Nor? That you had to kill your family? That its all my fault? You have got to stop. I'm not coming with you, I will not let Palpatine use me like he is using my brother, like he is using you. I would rather die." That seemed to trigger something in the clones because their guns raised. For a moment I thought Norah would stop them but she just bowed her head and walked away. Maybe she was right. Maybe this was my fault. If I hadn't been a coward, if I had admitted that I did love her. More than anything. Or maybe she was just broken and I had been too caught up in my own problems to notice something was wrong.

The clones waited until she was a good distance away before they fired the first shots. I had no escape. I was backed up into the alcove with clones in a semi-circle around me. I managed to deflect their shots for maybe the first minute but there were so many of them and my shoulder was stiff and hurting from my first wound of the evening. The second came soon enough, right in the side. I doubled over and Naakla and Ka'ra leapt out in front of me and right onto the faces of the advancing clones. I would have called out for them to stop if I was in any shape to do so but the clones weren't stopping to let me recover. They just kept coming and coming and coming. I wanted to beg for them to stop, to scream and cry and curl up in a ball on the ground. No matter how many I killed the blaster fire just would not break. I'm amazed I lasted as long as I did. Pure luck I suppose, it was the only thing that saved any of the Jedi that night.

I knew the bolt that was meant to kill me the second the clone pulled the trigger. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to deflect it in time. Strangely, despite fighting so hard to carry on, the sight of truly imminent death was almost calming. Knowing I wouldn't have to live in a world without Anakin or Mace or Obi-Wan or Ahsoka was something truly peaceful. Giving up isn't very me but in that moment it was everything I had ever wanted. To just let the nightmare end. But this wasn't the kind of nightmare that released its grip after a few hours, it was the kind that stayed there, lingering in the background and just when you thought it was over...

I get it. Shit happens. But this much shit in one day? That's got to be some sick joke the gods played when they got bored.

I realised I wasn't going to die when I saw an all too familiar shadow leap across the gap between me and the bolt. The force of the hit sent her flying backwards into my arms and I screamed. Just a scream of pure, unbroken agony as my knees buckled underneath me and I collapsed to the floor holding Ka'ra's limp body in my hands.

I don't remember hearing the blaster fire stop,or the sound of the clones dying. I just remember clutching her against mychest as I sat there on my knees with my head pressed against the ground andthe feeling of emptiness. There were no tears left for me to cry, no pain leftto be felt. That feeling of emptiness, it was a million times worse than the gutwrenching pain.