After The Lies

Chapter 5

Should I believe him? What if he is saying that because he is feeling lonely? I'm so scared. I'm so scared to trust a man when the first person whom I loved did nothing but break my trust over and over again.

I'm so scared. My love for him is so scary. I didn't know that love could be this scary. I don't know if I really want this. Am I regretting telling him that I love him right now? No! I'm going to move and this needs to be done. Tama lang ang ginawa ko.

I breathe in and out. I bore my eyes on him. He was not moving. He told me he wanted to talk to me more. Should we? Should I hear his thoughts? F*ck! I don't know anymore. Too much for this night!

"Pumasok tayo sa loob. Maginaw na rito." Ako na ang nauna. Napatingin agad siya sa akin. He nodded and went nearer to his car. Pinagbuksan niya ako kaya agad akong lumapit sakanya. Naupo ako sa loob at tinignan siya sa labas. Tinitigan mo na niya ako bago niya sinara ang pinto ng kotse.

"If you want to go home because it's already late, you can. Uh, we can talk tomorrow. " Napakurap-kurap ako. Bakit pa? I already decided to listen to him at ang hirap dahil kinakabahan ako. Hindi na puwede bukas dahil baka hindi na ako magising kakaisip sa kung anong pag-uusapan namin!

"Puwede namang ngayon, Klaus. Saka, uh busy ako tomorrow." Tama busy ako tomorrow! Aasikasuhin ko pa ang mga gamit ko sa kwarto at pupuntahan ko pa ang mga rentahan ko.

"Okay, then." Napansin kung parang hindi siya mapakali na ano. Ganiyan din ang nararamdan ko ngayon. "Are you okay? Are you comfortable?" Nangunot ang noo ko. Umayos ako ng upo.

"Okay lang ako." Hindi! Mamamatay na ako! Ang lakas-lakas ng tibok ng puso ko! Tapusin na natin ito, Klaus, please!

"Kanina, as I said. I blurted out my feelings about you." He tried to look into my eyes, but he just couldn't stay to do it for too long. Mabuti narin dahil mahihimatay na ako pag nagkataon na tititigan niya ako ng husto! Hindi ko pa nakaklimutan ang sinabi niya kanina!

"I'm not confessing because I want to find a new love, Manila. I'm confessing because it's been so long since I wanted to confess to you. I didn't know it was so hard to confess to the person you really love." Kinagat niya ang labi niya at sinubukan na naman akong tignan. Napabuntong hininga siya ng hindi niya parin kinaya.

"You were also so hard to approach because you made me feel like you don't want to be near me. Your eyes seem to not like me. Nawawalan ako ng confident na sabihin sayo. I'm scared that you'll reject me. I'm so f*cking sorry. I'm so f*cking sorry that the person you're loving is such a coward."

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. Hindi ko pa ma proseso ang mga sinabi ni Klaus. Did I really show him that I hated him? F*ck I'm regretting those times I'm trying to stop liking him because I tried hating him and staying away from him whenever he's almost close to me. I did not know he was keeping his eyes to me!

"I'm as coward as you, Klaus. I-I tried to stop loving you because I thought that I could never have you. You're too far from my reach. I'm poor and you are not. You're confident, while I'm not."

"Don't say anything like that. I was never confident. Everything is a lie. I laughed everything off and I joke around often because I want to have friend. Because I'm lonely and I'm afraid to die." Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. He's afraid to die? What?