So This Is Love ~~~~ R.P.

xii. Love and Confusion

SLIGHTLY EDITED (just grammar and spelling)

"I wonder why Julie didn't tell us she could shred on the piano?" Alex asked as Reggie and I entered the garage.

"And sing. That girl can sing," Reggie declared as he sat on the couch.

I walked over to Luke and sat next to him. Immediately, he threw his arm on my shoulder. I could feel Reggie's stare, but I forced myself to ignore it.

"It probably has something to do with her mom," Luke said. "Must've been hard."

He seemed flustered. Alex and I shared a look of confusion.

"Anyway, I really feel for her," Luke announced as he stood up and searched for something.

"Yeah, but...now she's got music back in her life, just like us," Reggie replied, rather joyfully.

"Yeah, I'm not sure you can call what we have a life," Alex retorted sarcastically, warning a snort from me.

"Oh hey," Luke yelled from the loft, "some of the clothes we left behind are still up here".

"Sweet."

"Nice."

Luke climbed down with a box of our clothes. It was filled with band t-shirts, single socks, flannel, and a bunch of sleeveless shirts.

"Oh, same clothes since '95, boys," Luke laughed.

I cleared my throat.

"Oh, and Jaiden," Luke smiled as he gave me a bow.

"Loser," I said, rolling my eyes, even though I was smiling.

As I rummaged through the box, I came across my guitar pick. My favorite guitar pick. The black one with my initials engraved in a white tint. The same guitar pick that I left with my note to Beatrice. What the hell was it doing it here?

"Hey! Your favorite pick," Luke exclaimed as he switched shirts, "Ya found it."

"Yeah..."

The boys shared glances as they looked at me in confusion. I kept looking at the pick, I felt like I was going to cry and I had no idea why. I quickly grabbed random clothes from the box and walked to the bathroom.

Once there I got a sense of deja vu. I turned to face my reflection. I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the thought. Reverting my attention to my pick, I wondered why it was here. I left it with my note to Beatrice. Beatrice. A wave of guilt washed over me. How could I have been so selfish, leaving her without a proper goodbye? After all she tried to do, I just wouldn't accept her help. She probably left Los Angeles. She probably married Peter, her boyfriend at the time, had a family. I wonder what she did with my note...

My note. My note. If my pick is here then my note could be here too. I couldn't let the boys find it. They can't find out how I really died, not yet.

Quickly, I threw on a navy blue hoodie from the bundle of clothes I grabbed. It was a little big on me, so I assumed it was one of the boys', they wouldn't care anyway. Peeling off my jeans, I pulled on some black ripped jeans instead and put on my black converse I had.

As I walked out of the bathroom, the boys were having a conversation with Julie's dad. Or, at least Reggie was.

"Honestly, not that good," Reggie started. "See we ate these bad hotdogs and-"

"Julie sang for the first time," Julie's dad interrupted.

"Ah!" Reggie responded. I walked over and sat next to Alex on the couch. He looked at me with soft eyes, obviously asking if I was ok. I gave a small smile and nodded. It was funny how we could have an entire conversation without saying a single word. I missed this; having someone understand you without having to explain. I'm terrible at expressing my feelings verbally if it isn't through music.