The Return

Chapter Thirty Seven

Scarlett

Monday May 11th 2018.

"I want you to keep a diary." Dr. Bradley said.

She listened to the soft patter of his fingers against the keyboard.

She lost count of how many sessions they had so far. It was a Monday morning in the middle of March and they were meeting once every week.

"A diary?" She huffed. She had one. Although it had been years since she updated it. She could still remember her last entry on the last day of middle school when she tried to get Liam James to sit at lunch with her. It blew up in her face when he went to sit with the popular kids.

"I think it will help you keep your thoughts in order."

Scarlett glimpsed at her watch, her legs tapping beneath her table. They were half an hour into their session and she was restless. From the waist up, she seemed put together, collected.

The thoughts he was referring to were her secrets. That she went to visit her father at the penitentiary and made it all the way to the front steps and turned back. Or that she was sleeping with her English teacher and it was only a matter of time before her boyfriend caught on. Or that said boyfriend was cheating on her with his best friend.

"I don't need a diary." She leaned back in her seat.

"I didn't say you needed it. I said you should get one." He rummaged through his desk drawer and pulled out a plain black book with a belt and a magnetic lock. He dumped it on the table.

"This is mine. I've had it for about three years." He returned his attention to his computer. "Now, I'm not saying you have to document everything, just the things you find... troubling."

"How does this keep me from using?"

"Often times users crouch under the umbrella of stress to shield their addiction. Eliminate these burdens and study shows these people will be less likely to use."

"And if it doesn't work?" She reached for the book, her hand hovering over it as if asking for permission. He nodded.

His first entry left her gut tightening.

I am a user.

"The study is never wrong."

She slammed it closed, her heart fidgeting in her chest. She pushed it back.

The logical part of her brain knew that it was normal for users to learn from their mistakes and try and help others find the path of righteousness and all that jazz, but something about him admitting to using had the hairs at the nape of her neck standing on end.

"Keep it." He slid his chair over to the other end of the room and pulled open the blinds letting in the morning sun. "It's important that you feel seen, Miss. Leighton."

"I am seen, a lot more than I would like." She whispered the last part under her breath.

"Are you heard?" He returned to his table. "Did you know you're twenty-six percent more likely to die prematurely from loneliness?"

"I'm not lonely."

"You are defensive."

Her mouth opened and shut. She paused. Malcolm never gave a shit about what she had to say... Lucas and Farida were only around her because of Malcolm... Jenna-Sue had it up to her neck with cases at the NICU and Ruben Leighton was gearing up for trial. Was that it? Was she lonely?

He held her gaze. "You're normally not this... tensed?"

She blinked at him. There weren't a lot of things that could distract her in his office. "Can I ask you a question?" She fiddled with her hands.

"Sure,"

"Can you tell me about your sessions with Mr. Flint?"