The Story of Jung Dahee [EXO]

Entry # 25: May 17, 2014

"Self-confidence is the best outfit. Rock it and own it."

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May 17, 2014

Dear Diary,

It hurts. I used to know him so well that it hurts. I used to be the person that accompanies him to classes that it hurts. I used to be that person who never gets tired of listening to his pointless dramas over and over again that it hurts. Everything hurts. I was falling, and you looked the other way. My professor once told me that the only constant thing in this world is change. I guess he was right. Things change, and will keep on changing, so I wouldn't feel this way forever, right? Right?

Love, Jung Dahee

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That day...

 2am; where do I begin, crying off my face again. The silent sound of loneliness wants to follow me to bed. I'm the ghost of a girl that I want to be most. I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well. 

Heartbreaks are really hard; it's what have been crossing my mind lately. I've been sad, hurt, mad and disappointed, and I don't even know exactly why. Not knowing the reason hurts even more as well. Add "moving on" to the mix, and you'll seriously feel like dying — no pun intended. I'm not even joking. It's so hard to forget someone who gave me so much to remember, who we shared a lot of happy memories, and who ignores you like you're nothing for no apparent reason. I've been feeling really pathetic for a long time as well. I feel like no one's helping me overcome this hurdle either. This is just a hopeless case.

No matter how I wanted to "move on," I can't seem so, and I think the only possible solution is to confront the guy and squeeze the living reason out of him; but I can't, even though that's what I've been trying savagely lately. I've been feeling resentful of those characters on stories that I have been reading on Wattpad who seemed to take moving on so easy that it's practically impossible. Nevertheless, it hurts — badly. It's more like he's not letting me move on, and I feel like he's the woman between the two of us because he keeps on pushing me away. Seriously, can't he just confront me like the man he is? Maybe he's not a man... but that's just weird.

 Dancing slowly in an empty room. Can the lonely take the place of you? I sing myself a quiet lullaby. Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again. 

My friends kept on telling me that eventually, I'll stop caring, that he will eventually stop being the most important person in my life. I can't seem to comprehend how that's possible though. It's been what — a year or so — and yet we're still like this. I miss our fun yet pissing conversations. I miss how we used to talk and chat for how long it's possible, and how I was able to tell him what's on my mind so freely.

 Too afraid to go inside, for the pain of one more loveless night. Cause the loneliness will stay with me. And hold me till I fall asleep. I'm the ghost of a girl that I want to be most. I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well. 

He changed me, and he had kept on changing me ever since. Now, I've changed once again, but unlike the last time, I think it was for the worse. I've been keeping myself busy, like the past few months, but it doesn't work. Every time I pause, I think of him. I kept on trying to erase him because I'm so sorry to my heart, but I can't, and it's really frustrating. Why does he have this kind of power over me? It's not like we had a serious relationship either. Heck, there weren't even us. We were just friends, and the thought of it actually sucks. It's like I'm pretty much hungover someone who doesn't even acknowledge my feelings, though he knows of it. Does he even know how much he's been hurting me?

 Dancing slowly in an empty room. Can the lonely take the place of you? I sing myself a quiet lullaby. Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again. 

Seeing him with her has even brought me to talk to my mother about my problems. At first, she was shocked, since she didn't expect me to like the boy she introduced me to, but eventually she understood and just listened to my rant. It was comforting to be honest, and knowing that there was someone willing to listen to my problems and comfort me silently at the same time was really heart-warming, but I have to say, it was partly embarrassing. I wasn't used to telling my mom my love problems, though there weren't even love problems in the past to begin with.

I wish I never met him. I wish my mother didn't introduce me to that douche-bag of a person and just enrolled me in this godforsaken university. Then, there wouldn't have been a need to impress him, to want him, cry over him, and to love him. Hearing myself utter these words hurts even more. If I never meant him, there wouldn't have been a need for everything he had done to make me feel like absolutely nothing, but I did meet him, and it kills me painfully slow. There are a lot of things that I didn't want to happen, but I have to accept, things that I didn't want to know, but I have to learn, and people that I couldn't live without but I have to let go. And I did.

 Broken pieces of a barely breathing story. Where there once was love. Now there's only me and the lonely. 

I'm really tired of pretending, since pretending is for children. Heck, I feel like this problem was taking place during high school; it was too childish and immature, though I know that I have played my part as a childish pawn in the game as well. Still, I have so much left to say to him, which is why I am determined to do this. I can feel the fear creeping up inside of me, but I'll do it anyway.  I know that in the long run, it was a choice that I made, and it wouldn't matter how it would be to make it. What matters most is that I did it. Good luck to me, then.

 Dancing slowly in an empty room. Can the lonely take the place of you? I sing myself a quiet lullaby. Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again. 

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This chapter is a bit weird, but I hope you like it. I just really love the song; that's why. I just realized how long I haven't updated, and with that, I'm very sorry! I've been busy with life that I've been distracted way too much. Likewise, I just wanted you to know that I will be finishing this story for good since this story was meant to finish once they graduate, because at the same time, I'd be graduating. LOL. And I have the story wrapped up as well, so expect the ending soon. Please let me know your thoughts though. I hope you like the following chapter (I think it will be the last one), though I'm pretty sure a storm would come. //runs away// Oh and please Vomment (Vote + Comment)! Thanks again! //runs away for real//

~ yeolwho05 a.k.a Sherry