The Story of Jung Dahee [EXO]

Entry # 22: September 20, 2013

ENTRY# 22

"You can never regret anything you do in life. You kind of have to learn the lesson from whatever the experience is and take it with you on your journey forward." – Aubrey O'Day

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September 20, 2013

Dear Diary,

Do you know that feeling when you've made a decision that you regretted, as if you were situated between three things – disappointment, sorrow, and even remorse? I knew that life was about making choices; it's just that I don't think I feel proud of them right now, as if it was haunting me as it is. I feel as if I had made the worst decision in my life. I expected to feel happy and whatnot after giving him a chance, but why was I feeling like this? My friends had told me that I shouldn't look back and just cherish what I had today, but how could I exactly, when I feel like I'm dying inside from guilt? I'm sorry, Chanyeol...

Love, Jung Dahee

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SCENARIO:

"You know, you're too unpredictable. I thought you liked the guy? It was pretty evident that you liked him. I mean, I saw the way you looked at him at times, and it was clear that you had feelings for him!" Victoria hollered, justifying her point, “and I know for a fact that he’s better than that douche Lay for leaving you without reasons!”

I, on the other hand, could only sigh and drop my head down in shame. What she said was true, anyways. I felt something for him, too – the butterflies, the flutters, the blushes – and it was clear that I did admire the guy, but everything just felt wrong as soon as I gave him that chance. It was as if I regretted even giving him that chance. Why so, you say? Well, I may or may not have been thinking or no one else but Lay as soon as I went home that very day. It sucks, I know, but what can I do? It's not like I can control my feelings.

“Sorry,” was all I could mutter after her rant.

Luna tsk-ed and shook her head, and for a second, I swear she gave me that I-told-you-so look, but she shook it away eventually. It was true. She had lectured me before regarding my so-called feelings between Lay and Chanyeol. I had resorted onto telling her first-hand, as personally, I think that she was the most trustworthy when it comes to matters like mine.

“You still have feelings for Lay, don’t you?” The oh-so-wise Sulli suddenly said, startling me a bit, since I didn’t expect her to speak at times like these. She rarely speaks when we talk about love issues like mine, probably because she didn’t have any experience like me, but I doubt it.

I shrugged with a sad smile, not knowing what to say, because I didn’t know the answer myself. I did reminisce the old times with Lay, and still couldn’t help but wonder what really happened between us that made things really complicated as it is now, but that doesn’t meant that I still have feelings for him, right?

“You do,” Sulli said, crossing her arms on her chest with her eyebrow raised, making her look really intimidating with her hawk-eyes that seemed to pierce my soul for answers. Scary.

“She so does,” Victoria confirmed for me, emphasizing the 'so,' as she kept on crossing her arms on her chest. By now, they were all looking at me with brows raised and arms crossed, and boy, all of them look so intimidating that I just wanted to dig a whole and hide myself forever on it.