Children Of The Abyss

Dilucs Guilt

Diluc stood staring off into space, drying the shot glass he had been drying for the past 10 minutes. Charles couldn’t make it to work today, so Diluc covered for him. The tavern was unusually quiet, allowing Diluc some time to think. Every time the door opened, he half expected, half hoped that it would be Kaeya walking through, but it never was. Their relationship was far from perfect, and Diluc knew it was all his fault. They used to be the best of friends, playing pretend from dusk till dawn; One day they would be pirates, beating their rival gang (the Adventures Guild) to hidden treasures, the next they would be thieves stealing from them. Some days, Jean would join in their fun and they would run through the street of Mondstat playing the heroes, saving the damsel in distress from her duties.

The days they spent in the sun, running wild and being stupid, slowly came to an end as the two enlisted in the Knights of Favonius together. The time they would spend together playing was now spent training together. Diluc and Kaeya quickly became the best and were well on their way to becoming the youngest Calvary Captains, but with every promotion and praise they got, Diluc watched as Kaeya’s smiles became more fake. The light that used to burn so bright when they were younger was gone. Diluc watched from the top of the stairs one day as Kaeya spent his 17th birthday down in the cellar, angrily mumbling to himself and drinking a whole case of their father's wine. He should have done something about it, should have said something, asked if he was alright, but all Diluc did was sit, wait, and watch. When their father found out later that night, he was furious. He berated Kaeya for what seemed like hours but was probably just a couple of minutes. Once again, Diluc should have and could have intervened, but instead, he sat at the top of the stairs hugging his knees, listening to the one-sided conversation. When it ended, Kaeya said nothing, he just left. Four years later, and Diluc still feels guilty about it.

It all went downhill from then on. Kaeya became more distant and closed off from their father and spent his days training alone or with Jean. Then tragedy struck on Dilucs 18th birthday, which sealed the growing rift between them. While returning home to Dawn Winery, Diluc and his father were attacked by Ursa the Drake. In an attempt to save his son, Dilucs father used a delusion to defend them, but it backfired and ended up killing him. Kaeya showed up too late, Master Crepus had already died in Dilucs arms. The two of them walked back home in silence. Diluc had mixed feelings inside, he was devastated by what had just happened, but he was also mad. His father should have known that was a risk, Diluc should have done more to help, Kaeya should have been there faster, and maybe then his father wouldn’t have died.

When they arrived at Dawn Winery Diluc immediately went upstairs to his room, leaving Kaeya to stand alone in the front room. His ceiling had never been more interesting to him than right now. Diluc was trying his hardest not to cry, not to lose control, and let his emotions take over, but then there came a soft knock on his door. It was Kaeya. He looked like a hot mess, and it almost scared Diluc, but any feelings he had at that moment turned to complete rage with every word Kaeya spoke. A spy sent from a dead nation, sent to destroy the wine industry.

Diluc was pulled from his thoughts by Jean. He didn’t know how long she had been standing there, but she had a look of pity on her face

“No Kaeya?” she asked, taking the shot glass and drying towel from Dilucs hands.

“No,” Diluc said, standing up and putting wine bottles away. He was going to close early since business was slow today. He just wanted to go home and sulk as Adelinde calls it. Probably reread over the letters that took up his desk space, try to figure out the Abyss’s next move, spend his night unintentionally thinking of Kaeya. He's tried to apologize for the things that were said and done, but every time Diluc attempts to, he just ends up saying more hurtful things. The last time they had a conversation, Diluc had told Kaeya to disappear.

On his way home, Diluc took a detour through Springvale. It was a cute little town, not much to see, just a couple of houses and a windmill, but kids ran through the dirt paved roads, throwing balls and playing tag. Their laughter and playful screams filled the air and gave Diluc a sense of nostalgia. Maybe the reason he missed Kaeya so much today was because it was the first time they had spent this deathiversary alone. By the time he reached Dawn Winery, it was dusk out, Diluc had expected the place to be cold and empty but the closer he got, he could see the open windows and hear the laughter of people and smell dinner. He knew Kaeya was there, and he wanted nothing more than to walk through the doors, hug his brother and tell him he was sorry. But instead Diluc walked through the doors and ended up punching his brother in the face instead.

The room fell silent, and Diluc stood in shock, staring at Kaeya. Why is it that he can feel so much guilt when it comes to his brother, but so much rage? His brother did nothing to him at all, if anything, Kaeya has every right to be mad at Diluc, but instead, he tries his hardest to love him. He's always nice to him, and it’s a mystery as to why. Diluc was the one that ruined their relationship. Kaeya had come to him wanting to be comforted and told everything was okay because they had both been through a lot that day, but Diluc tried killing him.

“Kaeya, I'm sor...” Diluc tried saying he was sorry, but Kaeya placed a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. He was smiling, but it was filled with pain

“Have a good night Diluc.” Kaeya said, patting Diluc’s shoulder. Diluc watched as Kaeya walked towards the door, holding his hand out. A little girl with short, rose-gold hair came running after him. She almost looked like Klee, just younger. She stood looking at Diluc, biting her thumb, with visible confusion for a moment before running out the door.

“Who was that?” Diluc asked, walking over to his desk. He didn’t know what to do anymore. Diluc desperately wanted to fix their relationship, but he seemed just to ruin it even more.

“Kaya.” Adelinde said softly. Leaning against the wall, arms folded. Diluc knew she had something to say. She always did.

“What,” Diluc asked, resting his head in his hands, turning towards her, “just say it.” Adelinde smiled, walking towards the window

“Why do you hate him so much?” she asked. The question kind of shocked Diluc. He didn’t hate Kaeya. If anything, he kind of hated himself.

“I don’t,” Diluc said distantly, “he’s just a..a traitor, I guess.”

“Is he, though?” Adelinde said, closing the window and sitting on the desk right next to Diluc, “I want to listen to what I'm about to say. Don’t answer, just listen,” Diluc looked over at her and nodded, “You say he’s a traitor right, but what has he done to hurt Mondstat? He hasn't betrayed us in any way, has he? He doesn’t go around selling secrets to foreign enemies. If anything, Mondstat is the only thing he has left. He risks his life for the safety of Mondstat. He abandoned a mission given to him when he was younger to work for the only place that felt like home. When things got messy, he stayed with the Knights,” Diluc got up and stood staring out the window. He knew he judged his brother unfairly, and it made him cry, “If anything, Diluc, you’re more of a traitor than he is. Don't say anything, let me finish,” The more she spoke, the more he cried, “What did you do after your father died? You left the knights of Favonius. You turned your back on an oath you made. You do nothing but go around slandering them. Sure, you still protect the citizens of Mondstat, but while doing it, you make sure to say how poorly the knights do their job. I know they wanted to pass off your father's death and cover it up, but that’s not any reason to leave...” Adelinde must have noticed Diluc softly banging his head against the window because she stopped. Diluc felt a hand on his shoulder, which calmed him down a bit. He really was the world's crappiest brother, “I’m sorry, Diluc, but I couldn’t stand by any longer without defending him.” Adelinde walked off, leaving Diluc alone to stare out the window