The Recording I left Behind- (lady gaga)

𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚎𝚌𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

The next months were horrific, I was lost again.
I've heard Ricky's band split some time after what happened. Surprisingly I kept contact with Ethan for a year.

Years passed, until I started to look at my relationship with Stef like a teenager's thing.
Our problems were from the past and honestly it was kinda funny to think I was Lady Gaga's girlfriend back in university.
I didn't talk about anything on the internet or with anyone though, I knew she was famous now and I had no right to expose something she was not open about back in time.

I couldn't lie, I missed her a lot, she was very special to me and seeing her completely different, new hair, new style and more free, made me happy. She changed a lot but I could still recognize the Stefani I knew years ago.
She grew a lot, as a person and as an artist.
And even tough she hurt me I didn't wish her anything bad, even if sometimes I wish I hated her, I just couldn't.

I avoided listening to her songs or watching interviews, because I knew it would bring me back to when we were together and it still made me sad.
No one ever knew about this, but I never truly recovered.

I started dating a guy I met in my new job.
He was good looking, sweet and treated me right. He was what everything a girl wants and needs.
But I was still looking for her in everyone I met.
I spend my days not looking at him in the eye, because I knew they were not green like Stefani's, I've been feeling his touch imagining her hands instead, smiling at the words I pretend that came out of her mouth, liking to see him in white t-shirts like the ones she used to wear to sleep... everything led me back to her even if what I wanted the most was to forget one day we ever had something.
__

It was 2010 and I still avoided hearing her new songs after four years but looks like the radio had another plans for me.

I was in the kitchen cooking my lunch and put some music on, it started playing and I instantly recognized her raspy voice.
I stoped what I was doing, whipped my hands and turned around to the radio placed on the table.
I listened to the lyrics very carefully:

I can't believe what you said to me
Last night we were alone
You threw your hands up
Baby, you gave up, you gave up

I can't believe how you looked at me
With your James Dean glossy eyes
In your tight jeans with your long hair
And your cigarette stained lies

- Did she remember the last night we were together and how it all ended?
Looks like Stefani remembered all the details, and so did I.

Could we fix you if you broke?
And is your punch line just a joke?

I'll never talk again
Oh, boy, you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless

- I rolled my eyes and turned around when I heard "boy", maybe it wasn't about me, then came back to my business again until...

I can't believe how you slurred at me
With your half wired broken jaw
You popped my heart seams
On my bubble dreams, bubble dreams

- I remembered Stefani talking about her bubble dreams. She has always been a dreamer. It was good times when we both shared our dreams together.

I can't believe how you looked at me
With your Johnnie Walker eyes
He's gonna get you, and after he's through
There's gonna be no love left to rye

And I know that it's complicated
But I'm a loser in love, so, baby
Raise a glass to mend all the broken hearts of
All my wrecked up friends

I'll never talk again
Oh, boy, you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless

- I started to think maybe that song could really be about me... it was a little bit too accurate.

And after all the drinks and bars that we've been to
Would you give it all up?
Could I give it all up for you?

And after all the boys and girls that we've been through
Would you give it all up?
Could you give it all up?
If I promise, boy, to you

That I'll never talk again
And I'll never love again
I'll never write a song
Won't even sing along
I'll never love again

- That one hit hard and I started to cry.
Well, she didn't give it all up for me.
I missed her, but you cannot fix a broken heart so easily, neither forget who broke it.
I missed her voice, I remember how Stefani got speechless when I left, she left me speechless too.

I just didn't understand why she would write a song about us.
Was she saying she would give it all up now?
The song probably wasn't about me but the lyrics reminded me of our story and how I felt when we broke up.
Even if she was apologizing through that song, it's too late. Why would she?
So I forgot.