to greater things beyond the unknown||RK96000||

Chapter 13: The Laws of the Universe

ao3 - RK96000

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"Hinata?"

Shouyou stills, looking back to see Kunimi- he doesn't even seem confused, his eyes already having spotted his backpack, and he seems, in a strange way, almost sad.

The door is right in front of him, tauntingly close.

"I have to go back," he says, and he can see the exact moment the thought truly registers for Kunimi- he starts, desperation hidden behind narrowed eyes.

"You don't have to," Kunimi argues, gaze as carefully averted as it always was when he glared- regardless of his kindness, Shouyou knows his fate and his path always leads back to his mother.

"Your mother already wants to know," Shouyou points out and despite how the words should be freeing to finally speak, they still burn. "I can't tell her."

As kind as Kunimi is, he can't understand- it doesn't matter if his mother hit him, he'll still always go crawling back, aching for love he knows she'll never give. It is the law of the universe, no matter how painful it is.

Kunimi falters at his words. There seem to be a thousand thoughts in a thunderstorm but each one is locked behind his eyes and he doesn't say anything, as if he can't bring himself to. Maybe, there is nothing to say.

"I'm sorry," Shouyou apologizes, regret stirring even as he knows there was no other true option. He crosses the border from guest to friend once again, for what will hopefully be the last time- it comes with a terrible sense of finality.

The walk home isn't long, nor is it short. It lasts exactly as long as he expects it to, each step carefully measured against the unsettling blankness of his mind.

When he steps into his mother's apartment, he stills.

His mother is in the middle of having dinner- she pauses for only the briefest of moments when she notices he's there, and then continues, seeming not at all worried about where he'd been while he was gone. "You're back."

"Yes," he says. Shouyou would avoid her eyes but she isn't even looking, so he doesn't. "I'm back."

And just like that, he is.

The last six days of absolute freedom are gone and Shouyou is home and everything is ruined- and yet, his mother doesn't care. She never has and yet, even as he stands in front of her, choking on unbidden words in his throat, she doesn't look up, not even once.

So, Shouyou goes to his bedroom and stares and stares at the wall.

(If he had been better, maybe his mother would love him.)

When his phone vibrates, once and then twice, he spares a glance at its screen, half-hearted even in that attempt, until he sees Kunimi's name and his lips twist into a frown and he looks away. Kunimi will say to come back, that he could always come back- Kunimi will only say things that Shouyou already knows but cannot bring himself to ever believe.

The laws of the universe have demanded he returned and so he has.

And life will continue on, as it always did. He would go to school and volleyball practice and return home and then repeat the same process every single day- he would laugh and joke and smile with his friends as if he would not return here within the day.

And maybe his mother would hit him again or maybe she never would, but either way, he would always flinch if someone raised their voice a little too angry and a little too loud and he would always fear a raised hand from an adult, no matter how stupid he knew it was, and now, it felt as though nothing would ever change that. It felt as if he would always remain suspended in a chrysalis of his own fear, paralyzed with terror choking the words in his throat like hot coals, burning and burning until he thought he could never speak again, until there was nothing left.