The red means i love you| rants (1)

Day 4

6/12/22
So today... today was eh I woke up and went to church almost got yelled at in church then after church my family had to run somewhere to get something for my dad and paps work so we get it then we go too get something at this other store and the we went and ate lunch/diner and it was good we got home and I took a nap since I stayed up till like 2:30am last night then I woke up and played roblox with my brother I then went out side and when I was out there got in a fight with my Mimi over swearing and she don't listen to me and what I have to say so like i know like if someone does something wrong they say sorry but I don't like that word specifically if someone is saying it to me like if I fuck up I say sorry and I mean it but if someone says it to me i don't know wether their lying or not because I was bullied a lot in school no one would believe me my parents thought I was exaggerating and being over dramatic but I wasn't when they did it they would say sorry only to do it time and time again saying sorry over and over again I hate the words sorry so much and my Mimi don't listen to me like I said I was explaining something to her and she was like ok I get it I fucked up but she wouldn't even hear me the fuck out so a while back something happened and I got extremely scared she came running to me babying me when I wanted to be alone at this point I was having a full blown mental break down and she was there hugging me telling me to stop crying and it was ok like no it was not ok I was so fucking scared and no it is not that easy to stop crying when your having a panic attack I was pushing her off me and she wouldn't go until I screamed at her I use anger as a defense mechanism which I shouldn't but I do unfortunately but I don't know why but I don't like physical contact unless it is my girlfriend or best friend hugging me and my mom keeps say where did she go wrong or if something happened no nothing happened and you did nothing wrong I just don't like physical contact that much