Sweet 'n' Sour | ✔

twenty-eight

26. Naya hai, par khubsurat hai. (It's new but it's beautiful.)

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- priya -

Last night was hard on Aditya. I didn't need him to tell me to know, it can be seen on his face. He has been quiet for most of the day. He didn't even go out to have lunch with everyone else. I had to bring him his lunch in the room. He reasoned he has so much work and can't afford to waste time. Post an hour after lunch, he went back to reading his book. The work forgotten.

I think it's his escape. Like work is for me. But unlike me, who's scrambling around to get it done, he just sits by the window, under the gentle rays of the sun, with his head tilted on his fist as he reads with all emotions known to life. There's a frown, a smile, a furrow of his brows, disappointment, intensity, arrogance, pride, everything. And it's so fascinating to watch him read. He is beautiful.

I wish my escape was so peaceful, so calm, so serene, so stunning.

I couldn't forget the events of last night. After what Meghna said, he had left unceremoniously with the car keys. His mom had asked me to go after him, which I was planning to anyway since I didn't want him driving in his current state of mind. But my prediction was wrong. He didn't need the car to race down the road to help him forget his frustrations, he needed the car to hide from the world and let it all out.

I wanted to step inside but I stopped myself. He needed the time alone, to have the breakdown. I could tell he has been tensed for quite a few days. Maybe the decision of moving out was one of the reasons. He doesn't let me know what's going on inside his head. He acts his usual self, flirty, cheeky, treading between shyness and confidence. It's only when it gets too much does he snaps. It has happened before on New Year's Eve. Neither then was I able to figure out what's wrong, nor now.

Whenever he is with me, he leans more onto the romantic side. And I absolutely adore it. But not when he does it to distract himself or forget his stress.

I know it'll take time for him to open up to me. I can't expect him to be emotionally vulnerable in front of me right in the first month of the marriage. A relationship takes time, and I have a lot, when it comes to him, I have a lot.

He shifted in his seat, the sound caught my attention. I watched as he read intently, with all focus, the side of his forefinger stroking his bottom lip. The same hand curled into the fist, resting against his cheekbone. I sighed.

I can't even put in words how much I like his proximity. It shuts me down. When he comes so close that I can feel his breath on my skin, that's my favourite part. Initially, I couldn't understand my body's reaction to his closeness. Then I blamed it for being untouched for thirty years. But there were so many men I could have had when I was in my prime, more handsome than him, yet no one ever made me feel the things he does. The attraction between us is so intense it's like I'll combust in flames if he were to cross the dangerously thin line we trod on.

Yesterday, when I made that shameless sound, it shocked me to the core. All he did was say a few words and press the tip of his nose beneath my ear, yet it had brought an unwonted sensation throughout my body, throwing me into a completely new dimension of intimacy I wasn't aware of.

I crave him close, yet it puts me off every time he breaches the safe line. I don't know where to put my hands, what to say, how to look, or what to do. He does it naturally. I can't believe he has never had a woman in his life before. I mean, I don't really know, I'm simply assuming it from the conversations we've had until now.

He doesn't make sounds as I do, he speaks, and at the same time, he handles me gently, touches me in the right places, and all that leaves me in a breathless, frazzled mess. The way he is so composed and in control of the moment, makes me nervous. I don't know what he expects of me. To do the same advances? I'm not bold enough. Or to just accept the changes he is bringing in my body? I can't. Anything new, that I haven't had experience with, makes me anxious for I'm afraid of embarrassing myself. What if I do something silly?