Sweet 'n' Sour | ✔

thirty-five

35. Ek jhoot se hi toh shuruaat hoti hai (it all begins with one lie)

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- priya -

It didn't get any better.

If anything, the more we did it, the more repulsive I grew to the thought of sex.

I regretted jumping into it so soon. Maybe we weren't ready to share such an extreme form of intimacy yet. We shouldn't have rushed to have sex as soon as we figured out how to kiss. It's not the same after all.

Aditya asked me every time how was it, or if I had an orgasm. I lied every time to not break his heart. How can I not when I had seen how crestfallen he looked after a failed kiss. He is already so insecure about himself, I don't want to be another person in his family contributing to the collection. I know one thing and that is, Aditya cannot take criticism well. Maybe he has always had people pointing out his flaws.

The last time we were coming back from an outing, he shared one of his college memory with me, admitting how sensitive he is, it made my heart clench in empathy. I can't see him doubt himself and be the reason to pull down his self-esteem.

I was hoping sex to get better with time. I had thought my body will soon adjust to the new change, adapt and go with it. But no, in fact, every time I guessed what was coming after an innocent touch, my body acted the opposite, growing even more anxious and unsettled.

It's been five days since my birthday and the first month of the new year is already over.

February means honeymoon. And while I was excited about it initially, now I'm dreading the prospect of spending all my time with Aditya. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with him. And he does spend time with me sans the sex, the kisses, touches, words, and flirting is still there. But at night, I know he expects more. At home, I least have the excuse of office work or household chores, but during the honeymoon, our time will belong to each other. I don't even have the heart to say no to him to his face, but I can't make excuses every time he makes advances on me.

"Priya," I looked up at Aditya's mom. "Beta, yeh na mere ghutno ka tel hai. Thandi ki vajah se sikud gaya hai. Garam kar dogi isse? (Beta, this is my knee massage oil. It has solidified due to the cold. Can you please warm it up?)" She walked up to me, holding out the plastic bottle of oil. I nodded and took it from her, placing it closer to the Kadhai just enough to melt the oil without ruining the bottle.

"Aap jaiye, mein garam kar ke aapki malish kar dungi. (You go, I'll warm it up and then massage your knees.)" I said to her softly.

"Oh no, don't bother. You're already making dinner all by yourself after coming from the office. I'll manage on my own." She waved her hand dismissively.

"No, please, I insist. I'm almost done with the dinner anyway," I said, putting away the chakla-belan aside to tend to the last roti.

"Okay, thank you." She sighed and left the kitchen.

Piling up the used utensils in the sink, I cleaned the main kitchen island and picked up the oil to check if it had melted. It easily poured out of the little mouth provided on top.

Leaving the kitchen, I made my way towards Aditya's parents' room. I've been trying to call them Mom and Dad for a while, but every time I mentally prepare myself, the words just don't come out of my mouth. I should try harder before someone calls me out for it.

Aditya's mom was already seated on the bed watching television.

"Aajao beta, (Come, beta)" inviting me inside with a smile, she lowered the television volume and pulled up her maxi until her knees. I grabbed myself the dressing table stool and sat down by her bedside. Pouring a little bit of oil into the cup of my palm, I placed the bottle on the nightstand and gently began to rub her right knee. "My knees usually don't hurt much but I tell you with age, my arthritis is getting worse."