Potions - Sirius Black

Chapter 28- Biggest Critic

A/N- hi long time no see. whats it been 2/3 years?? 

Remus Lupin and Conan Sherwin quite obviously harboured feelings for eachother. It was as clear as day to everyone, even themselves. However, Remus being the self-loathing, pessimistic boy that he is decided that actually, he was not going to pursue a relationship with the incredibly attractive boy but instead would wallow in self pity. Remus Lupin despite being known for his kindness and empathy towards others was anything but kind to himself. He was as Gracie liked to say "his biggest critic". Lupin's self-loathing stemmed from his condition. That condition being his well...furry little problem. He was absolutely convinced that he was a danger to society, a monster whom was unworthy of love and no one absolutely no one would be able to change his mind on that. It was because of this very fact that Lupin drew himself to the conclusion that it was absolutely impossible for him to ever even consider pursuing a relationship with Conan. I mean it wasnt even legal for him to do so! (But neither were half of the things him and his friends did). So now Lupin is sat in the Gryffindor common room sulking because of his own self-hatred, wondering why love must be so cruel.  Of course his friends; on multiple occasions would try to convince the boy to give himself a break and realise he is if anything the most deserving of love out of anyone. But alas their efforts proved futile as Remus Lupin seemed to be completely set in his ways.

It was absolutely no secret that Gracie Burgess was probably the least subtle individual in the castle especially with her pregnancy hormones causing her to be much more irritable than usual, and that is saying something when the competition includes the likes of James Potter.  Therefore, it came as no surprise to anyone when Gracie let out a huge groan after observing Remus sulking for the past thirty minutes on the common room sofa and stated quite bluntly with a huff. "Lupin i swear to Merlin if you dont get off your arse and wipe that miserable look off your face and talk to the bloody boy im gonna rip ye a new one". Remus looked up in shock slightly flustered by being called out by the blonde girl who had seemingly began to grow sick of stepping on eggshells around the boy and his sour mood. She could not for the life of her understand why on earth the boy was feeling so sorry for himself as if he is not the one who had been avoding Conan Sherwin. "You cant sit there feeling sorry for yourself pretending that its all gonna just go away. You have to talk to the bloke. Be honest with him."

"I cant." Remus responded solemnly

"Why?" 

"Because I'm a monster." he stated bluntly beginning to grow quite irritated of the girls insistence. "And he will think so too."

"Oh yes because im sure hes gonna think that Remus Lupin. The man who's terrified of woodlice and ladybirds is a menace to society" responded the girl sarcastically with a slight roll of her eyes. "I don't think he's going to think you're a monster, and if he does so what? You're not so why does it matter. the only monster i know is the Dark Bard or whatever he's called im quite certain you've got nothing in common with him." the girl paused before continuing "anyway no offence but you're quite possibly the least intimidating person i know."

Remus sighed in defeat knowing that the girl was right, but his stubbon nature would not allow him to admit he is wrong. He refused to accept the fact that he is not a monster. "It doesnt matter anyway" shrugged Remus "because im not talking to him. i can't even be with him."

"Says who?"

"The law"

"Oh piss off with that law bullshit Lupin." laughed the girl "Your friends are unregistered animaguses, you were partial to an alocholic beverage when you were 15 and im pretty sure half of the pranks you pull on people is considered assault. so dont try and use that as an excuse mr law abiding citizen" the girl sighed after a short pause and looked to her friend. "Remus you know were always here to support you. You are not a monster. You are Remus Lupin my friend. You are the boy who enjoys caramel chocolate but absolutely hates coconut chocolate, you enjoy listening to Queen and your favourite song is 'love of my life', you rarely ever get angry at anyone and if you do you just huff and act like nothing happened, you iron your socks and underwear for love of all things great you are certainly no monster. Far from it in fact. and i find it utterly offensive that you would even insinuate such a thing about yourself. You are perfect Lupin never forget that." she smiled lightly at the scarred boy who just sat quietly thinking on the girls words. "You really are your biggest critic Remus. I just wish you could see yourself the way everyone else does." 

With that being said Gracie kissed the boy lightly on the cheek and rereated back to her dormitory. leaving the boy alone in his thoughts to ponder on her words one phrase in particular that played over and over again in the back of his mind. "i just wish you could see yourself the way everyone else does."