Please stop

9. Blank.

I feel nothing. When everything happened I felt anger, sadness, and most of all betrayed. I knew my mom was a bad person but that didn't mean I ever stopped looking up to her. I mean she was my mom. I wanted her love and affection but i never got it.

It's like I attract people who want to hurt me.

I walk down the road with dried tears on my cheeks. I haven't even called Liam yet because if i'm being honest I just want to be alone. Everything happened so fast. Usually I can control myself and I just let her say whatever she wants but this time something in me snapped.

I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be alive. I start walking to an abandoned house that me and Liam discovered on one of our dates.

By the time I reached the house my legs were killing me. I duck under the broken fence and walk to the back of the abandoned place. This house was beautiful when people still lived in it. I didn't see it then but I could tell. I can imagine kids running around in this yard while the mom is inside cooking dinner. Then the dad comes home and gives his wife a hug and kiss. She calls the kids inside for the home cooked meal. Then they live their lives.

When I was a kid I dreamed about a life like that. I guess a part of me still does but I know i'll never have that. No instead I have a mother who hates me, a boyfriend who hurts me, and friends who don't know me. Will I ever even have kids? I can't even take care of myself, I definitely shouldn't have kids.

I walk into the back door and step on shattered glass that was on the ground. There's burn marks all on the kitchen walls. A fire happened. There's only spots of the floral wallpaper visible.
——————
~Flashback~

"Liam this is trespassing!!" I whisper yell.

"Babe nobody lives here anymore." Liam says while laughing quietly.

Liam ducks under the fence and looks back at me.

"You coming?"

"No." I say shaking my head.

"Fine suit yourself."

He starts walking towards the house and I get scared so I follow him. By the time I catch up with him he has already gotten inside the house.

"Woah. I guess a fire happened here." Liam said.

"That's sad." I say feeling bad.

We walk up the stairs and go into one of the bedrooms. It looks untouched and beautiful. It's the master bedroom. It has beautiful floral wallpaper, tan bed sheets, a women's vanity with old makeup, and old fashioned dressers.

"It's so beautiful in here." I say admiring the vanity.

"Just like you." Liam says while pulling me by my waist and kissing me.
——————

I sit on the bed and start crying. I wipe my tears quickly and get up. I grab a shard of broken glass and make sure it's sharp enough. I sit on the floor and swipe harshly against my arm. I cry out in pain as the glass creates a deep cut.

I deserve this.

My phone goes off and I ignore it. I make several more cuts. My white shirt quickly turning red. I look down at the beads of blood rolling down my skin and dropping on the wooden floor. I wish I wasn't so weak. I wish every time something bad happened I wouldn't feel the need to hurt myself. But I do and this is just how I am.

I struggle to keep my eyes open as I start feeling very light headed. I drop the shard of glass and try to stand up. I fail and end up on the floor again. The floor creaks in the other room and I can't find the energy to even care that someone else may be in here.

Maybe this is where I die.

I hear footsteps in the door way and look over. I faintly see a familiar face.

"Holy shit." The person says.

They run over to me and I feel arms wrap around me. Im lifted up and once again I struggle to keep my eyes open.

Please let me die. Please.

"It's gonna be okay. Try to stay awake for me." The person says.

But my eyes betray me and soon i'm met with darkness.