Please stop

19. Timing.

I stand there completely embarrassed. I don't know why I expected him to kiss me back.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that." I say.

"Your fine. Go get some rest and we'll talk tomorrow." Declan says.

I grab the cup of water and quickly walk back into Asher's room. Once I'm in there, I lay down and attempt to go to sleep but it's impossible. My mind won't stop replaying what happened. Was that classified as sexual assault? He didn't give me consent. I'm officially a shitty person.

In the morning, I get up exhausted because I couldn't go to sleep for even a minute. I walk out into kitchen with Asher and sit down at the table. Declan is there and I avoid eye contact. I can feel him staring at me.

"Good morning Camila!" Elizabeth says cheerfully.

"Good morning." I answer.

She looks at my face closely.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" She asks.

I mentally face palm myself. Now Declan will know that I was up all night thinking about what happened.

"Not really. Liam was spamming my phone." I lie.

She nods her head in understanding. She makes breakfast and serves us all. She leaves for work and Asher asks me if I'm going to school. I tell him no because I'm too tired. So now I'm alone with Declan. He clears his throat and starts talking.

"So about last night-" I interrupt him.

"I'm really sorry about that. I was upset and wasn't thinking. I hope your not too upset and I know that probably made you uncomfortable. This is probably the last time I'll come here." I say nervously rambling.

"Woah woah calm down. It's okay and it's not like I didn't want to kiss you. Trust me I did but your going through a lot right now and I didn't want to take advantage of that. I also figured it was the wrong time. Plus you have a boyfriend even though he's a piece of shit, I have to respect that. And please come back." He says reassuringly.

He gets up and sits next to me.

"Can I ask you a serious question?" Declan asks.

I nod.

"Why do you love Liam."

"It's complicated. He wasn't always a dick, he used to be my dream boy. We had so many great moments and he saved me from my home life. He made me think that I was valuable and that I could have an awesome future. He was the only one that ever praised me for my accomplishments so I guess that got me to fall for him." I said.

"I understand. What about your parents?" He asks.

I sigh.

"Well they have always wanted the best for me but nothing is ever good enough for them. Especially recently."

"I'm sorry. It's hard growing up without your parents support, I get it.

We sit in silence for a few moments until Declan clears his throat.

"Why don't I distract you? Come with me."

He brings me down the hall towards his room. This is the first time I've ever been in his room and on the walk there I try to imagine what it looks like.

When he opens the door, I'm immediately hit with the smell of cigarettes but not like scummy cigarettes it's kind of nice? I didn't know he smoked. I look around and I see that everything is black or gray. On his wall is a poster of a motorcycle and a half naked girl. Figures. Theres also some pictures of him though. Theres one of him doing graffiti, of him with a group of friends, of him as a kid, and then my eyes land on one of him with a girl. A wave of jealousy comes over me and my mind starts racing with questions. Is that his girlfriend?? Is she why he didn't kiss me back?? She's really beautiful. He interrupts my thoughts.

"She's my ex" He says with a sad look in his eye.

I must have made a face because he went on to explain.

"I'm not in love with her anymore. I keep that picture up to remember her." He says quietly.

I just nod but my mind is still racing with questions.

I follow Declan over to his bed. He grabs a note book and some black charcoal sticks. He hands me the notebook and I open in up. I see a drawing of his mother with a big smile on her face. I flip the page and I see a figure standing at a cliff with butterflies surrounding the figure. It must be where he brought me. I flip through a few more pages and They are scattered with drawings of different people. A few I recognize to be his mother and Asher.

"Wow these are really good!" I say looking at him.

"Thank you, It's just a random hobby of mine." He says.

He takes the notebook back and flips to a new page while taking the charcoal in his fingers and looking at me. Studying me.

"What are you doing?" I say with a little laugh.

"I'm going to draw you. All you have to do is be yourself."

"Okay." I say blushing slightly.

I sit there just watching him draw me and I take this chance to study him as well. His dark brown hair is messily pushed to the back and his face is very focused on what he is drawing. I notice a tattoo on his arm that I've never really seen close up. It's a skull with roses surrounding it. His arm muscles flex as he draws and right now he is looking more and more attractive to me.

It feels like we've only been sitting there for five minutes when he turns the notebook around and shows me what he has created. It's me but it looks like a different version of me. I look happier and I have a certain sparkle in my eye. It must just be the way he highlighted my eyes but it's beautiful.

"Oh my god." I say examining the drawing.

"You like it?" He asks.

"I love it!!" I say with a smile on my face.

He puts the notebook down and looks at me but this time with a different look in his eyes that I can't seem to understand.

"I meant what I said earlier. I did really want to kiss you." He says.

I freeze. For some reason I can't make any words come out of my mouth. I just give him a nod.

"Well I've got some things to do so I should get going but thank you for the drawing." I say in an attempt to escape this conversation.

"Thank you for letting me draw you."

Then I leave.