One And Done: Spoby One Shots

Goodbye (Crash and Burn Pt 3)

Spencer knew she was dreaming, or was it remembering? She'd had the same dream many times in the last four years. Sometimes, most times, Spencer's creativity allowed  her to alter the dream to give her the happy ending she was so desperate for but the feel of the dream told her this time it wouldn't be so

She ran through her dorm room door and then through the suite door not bothering to close either of them after her.

Had he taken the elevator or the stairs? She pressed the down button as she bounced on the balls of her feet. What was she thinking?! The elevator took forever. Of course he'd taken the stairs.

"Toby!" She screamed into the stairwell lunging herself down them at break neck speed. She kept running as she burst through the door that lead outside to the overnight visitor parking lot.

"Toby!" She screamed across the desolate campus, most of the students having gone home for winter break already. Toby had been here to help her pack and bring her home. Now she was wishing she'd taken the pregnancy test with out him here.

The few students packing cars watched her running towards the parking lot she kept running even though she knew she would have been able to see his gold pick up a mile away.

She put her hands on  her knees trying to catch her breath while tears streamed down her face. It wasn't until a girl came over to her and pulled her upright that she wiped her eyes so she could see only to find a horrified face meeting her eyes.

"Honey, you're bleeding"

Spencer looked down and saw she was standing in a pool of blood. She didn't need a doctor to know what was wrong.

"I'm having a miscarriage"

Spencer woke up screaming before she began crying. She turned to his side of the bed but it was empty.

"Toby" she called out into the loft. If ever there was a time she craved Toby's presence it was after this dream. He didn't answer and after a short search she determined he'd left. Fresh tears splashed her cheeks as she tried to get a hold of her emotions.

"Maybe he had counseling or something" she mumbled to herself searching the counter for the black planner he'd been keeping track of appointments and interviews in. It wasn't anywhere to be seen and Spencer's heart sank when she looked back to her bed and saw his duffel bag he'd been living out of was gone. Hot tears pricked her eyes once again. He hadn't just stepped out for coffee, he'd left her again.

Spencer got ahold of herself enough to dash from the barn over to her parents house. She couldn't imagine the sight everyone was seeing as she inadvertently walked into her mothers campaign strategy meeting.

"Everyone out" Veronica said looking at her daughter. Half a dozen assistants and consultants stared at her agape, "out, everyone, now"

"He left" Spencer sniffled allowing herself to fall apart into her mothers arms. There'd only been a handful of times she'd allowed herself to be vulnerable like this with her mom, with anyone other than Toby, really.

"Honey, Toby's going through something very difficult right now. He may need space."

"It's not just that he left. I had the dream again last night." Spencer said letting her mom wrap her arms around her.

"What dream?" Peter asked as he and Melissa stood off to the side.

"Peter!" Her mom said his name in away as if to convey he shouldn't interfere.

"Oh" he said pulling Melissa by the elbow into his study where the rest of the group had gone. Spencer guessed by his response he'd written it off as an "A" nightmare. Spencer was fine with that. Toby had become a man her father respected. It wasn't something one acquired easily. She wasn't about to tarnish that respect with the truth about their break up.

She remembered waking up in a hospital in D.C. after she'd lost her and Toby's child. She remembered the phone call. It had lasted for 43 seconds and she'd cried for days. She told him she'd gone to the college health clinic and gotten a real pregnancy test. It was negative. She hadn't been pregnant, all lies, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him the stress of losing him had caused her to lose their baby.

After lunch and drinks with her mom and Melissa Spencer felt strong enough to return to the empty barn. She put on some comfy clothes and decided to clean the loft. She was in the middle of sweeping/dancing with her earbuds in when she turned and discovered Toby in her kitchen. Spencer stepped back screaming, nearly hitting him before fully registering who it was.

"Toby! You scared the shit out of me!" She panted pulling out her earbuds.

"Sorry" he said looking about as forlorn as only Toby could.

"You came back" Spencer breathed her heart began to race "I woke up and you were gone."

"I'm sorry Spencer. I decided that maybe I did need that space you were talking about. I put my bags in the trunk and I went for a run. Then I went to see my dad."

"You did?" Spencer asked trying to feel hopeful but she knew how Daniel Cavanaugh felt about her.

Toby simply nodded.

"What did he say? What did you two talk about?"

"A lot of things" Toby said.

"Why do I feel like we're saying goodbye?" Spencer sniffled tears falling down her cheeks.

"Because we are" Toby said pulling Spencer into his arms, "please don't cry baby, I can't bear to see you cry."

"Please don't leave me again" Spencer mumbled swiping at tears.

"I'm not leaving you Spencer" Toby said kissing the tears from her cheeks, "I need some time to myself. I hope you understand."

Spencer let the tears flow not bothering to hide them or wipe them away. Toby let her cry as he pulled himself away.

"I hope you'll understand one day that I did this for us."

With that Toby walked out of the loft closing the door behind him. Spencer paused hearing his truck start. She wouldn't chase after him this time. She climbed into her bed letting herself cry not caring if she ever got out of it again.