This Was Not the Plan (gxg)

Chapter 22

I spent the night tossing and turning. I was gay. I had to be. And to make it worse I was crushing hard on my boyfriend's cousin. After my momentary kiss with Celeste everything became clear. I didn't love Nick. I didn't know if I loved Kendall. But I knew I liked her as more than a friend. If I didn't, I wouldn't be thinking about her constantly.

To make matters worse, I was insanely jealous of her boyfriend. I wanted to know if they had actually had sex, however, the knowledge was not only none of my business and had the potential to crush me. I wasn't sure how long I would be able to push my feelings down.

The right thing to do was break up with Nick. But doing so might get me killed. Not only that, but breaking his heart was the last thing I wanted to do. He deserved better than that. He deserved happiness and to be with a girl that loves him.

Not to mention, I'm not sure how I would even go about breaking up with him. I wasn't exactly ready to out myself to the entire school. For some reason I felt like he wouldn't take the news of me being gay so well.

Then there was the matter of my feelings for Kendall. If I broke up with him there is no way we would still be friends. She would obviously choose his side. All of my effort to earn her trust would be for nothing.

No matter how many times I tossed my problems around in my head, I kept landing on the same conclusion. Both Nick and I are going to be heartbroken.

I woke up the next morning still in conflict. I threw on sweatpants and a tshirt, too exhausted to actually try with my appearance. Gathering my backpack, I jogged up the stairs and took my car keys off the key hook by the front door. I opened the door, unlocking my car as I crossed the threshold.

"Yo, you just going to leave without me?" Vaughn said, catching the door behind me.

I jumped slightly, turning to face him, "Oh, sorry, Vaughn. I forgot.."

"Forgot that you take me to school every day?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I'm tired, leave me alone." I said crossing my arms, "Are you coming or not? We are going to be late."

"Let me grab my backpack and I'll be out. Don't leave without me, I swear to god if I have to ride with Tori, I'm gonna take a dump in your bed." He said before disappearing into the house.

I shuttered at the thought then turned to continue down the driveway. I hopped into my car and put the key in the ignition, letting the car roar to life. I blasted the heat as fall had finally set in, making the mornings a lot cooler. Vaughn joined me in the car a few moments later. We rode in silence as I drove us to school.

"Are you ok?" Vaughn spoke up, giving me a nervous glance.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" I said a bit irritated. Lack of sleep always made me a bit cranky.

"Well for one, you almost left without me... something you have never done. And two you wont stop shaking her leg, which you only do when you're in a lot of trouble with mom and dad." He pointed to my leg that I had been subconsciously bouncing.

I immediately stopped, now aware of what I was doing, "I'm fine. I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I have a test today and I was up late studying." I lied.

There was no way in hell that I would tell him what was really going on. I loved Vaughn, and, of everyone in my family, he would be most accepting. But I was barely able to admit to myself, I definitely wasn't ready to announce it to the world.

I guess the stress of not being friends with Reagan, and my sexual revelation, and potentially also having a crush on my boyfriend's cousin was affecting me more than I thought.