☀️She's Extraordinary ☀️

You've Gotta Rewind

My Bed (Bella's Perspective)
I opened my eyes and stretched. Those five seconds where I didn't understand what the fuck was going on felt good. Life couldn't be better. Then reality hit me like that truck hit Derek Shepherd. Okay, I don't think that was the best analogy, but you get my drift.
"You're awake." Mom said.
"Barely...I wanna go back to sleep.."
"It's nearly 5 and you haven't had any of your vitamins. How about you take them, have a little snack, and then you could continue napping." I was tired so I just agreed with whatever the heck she was saying.
"Okay..." I just wanted to stay groggy. Life couldn't hurt me then. We went downstairs to the kitchen (Mom was in front of me) and Mom went to the cabinet to grab my stuff.
"Hello, Bella." I looked over. What the hell is Dr.Turner doing here?! I looked at my mother.
"I thought you said I could go back to sleep! You lied to me! If you were gonna have her come you could've just friggin' told me! And then you have the audacity to talk about the lack of trust in our relationship and how I still don't tell you anything! You don't care!"
"Bella!"
"And you, don't talk to me!" I told Dr.Turner. I ran upstairs to my bedroom and locked the door. I can't believe my Mom! Why would she ever do this?! No wonder the house is so empty, she wants to make sure no one else is home to witness my "craziness". I moved my mirror and put it against the door. Hopefully, the weight of it would stop them from coming in here.
"Bella, I'm not here to upset you, honey! Your Mom and I want to help you."
"You're not helping though, you being here is not helping!" I told Dr. Turner. I thought that she was my friend. I thought we were cool. I didn't think she would betray me.
"Why not, Bell? Tell me." My eyes started watering. I didn't answer.
"Bell?" Please go away... I heard some whispering.
"Bella, please let's talk about this. What's going on?" Not Kathleen being here too. This is horrible. This is so embarrassing. Why are they treating me like I'm crazy?
"NO, JUST GO AWAY!! I don't need you all here! I'm not going to talk about anything!!" I kicked the mirror angrily. I looked at my toe. It was bloody. The doorknob started jiggling.
"DON'T COME IN HERE!" I started to get more upset.
"We're not going to let you hurt yourself, Bella Danielle."
"But I'm not!" I cried. Despite my best efforts they still managed to get into my bedroom.
"Please just go away...please." I cried. I buried my head into my beanbag.
"I feel worse now thanks to you." I said to my mother.
"Bella-"
"GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I ACTUALLY GO CRAZY, MOM! GET OUT! GETTT OUT!!!"
"Okay, Liv..." Kathleen said. Mom left tearfully and I wiped my tears with my favorite sweater.
"Bella, what are you thinking right now?" Dr. Turner asked.
"You guys...you guys don't ever give me space." I said while hiccuping.
"My Mom and Dad always make things worse by overreacting and doing this stuff instead of just talking to me like a normal person. I know it's because they care but I feel so much more upset that way and overwhelmed. Like, don't call my therapist and try to interrogate me unless it's actually necessary." I cried.
"Bella, I think-"
"You said that you were my friend. Why are you trying to take their side?" I asked my therapist. I remembered all our sessions at the park, crafting, and listening to music. Was she really being my friend then?
"Bell, I am your friend and as your friend and therapist, my first priority is making sure you're okay and not hurting yourself or others. Your parents noticed some unhealthy behaviors and we wanted to make sure you were good. I noticed them too." I sniffled.
"That's why we did what we did."
"But it was cruel and mean."
"Why?" I couldn't answer. I got defensive because well...I was hiding something. That's why I hated it. I was being called out...and I didn't like it.
"I don't wanna talk anymore."
"Bell..." Kathleen said.
"Okay...how about we rewind? Let's go back to two weeks ago when this all started." She said.
"Huh?"
"Close your eyes...relax...and take us back."
^^^^^^^^^^
January 29th (About 2 Weeks Prior)
"Morning, El." I was in a good mood today. I didn't have school today because of parent-teacher conferences and a day off is always good for the soul.
"Morning, sweet pea! No school!"
"Yep! Todays gonna be a "me" day!" He chuckled.
"What's the plan?" In therapy, Dr. Turner and I discussed that alone time is crucial, we all need it, and that it gives us a chance to connect with our inner-self.
"I'm gonna just explore the city."
"With Jake? Are you guys going on a date?" He asked protectively.
"No, Dad. I'm going alone. I need some me-time."
"Alright, you text me when you reach wherever you're going."
"Will do." I started to walk away.
"And don't try to disable that tracker." I rolled my eyes.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Lower Manhattan
"The amount of cheese in this corn dog is crazy." I whispered to myself. I was loving this me time. I got a yummy Korean corn dog and a new book! I decided to keep walking.
"That store looks so pretty." I picked up a new graphic tee and some flare jeans. I sent Jake a pic.

Me: Cute or no?
Jake: you look good
Me: Dumb ass I said CUTE OR NO 🙄
Jake: OMG U LOOK SO CUTE GIRLY POP BESTIE BAE BOO

I laughed. Walking was fun even though it was literally 20 degrees outside. At some point, fewer high-end stores started appearing and more abandoned buildings and sketchy places turned up. It wouldn't hurt to keep walking, would it? I kept walking and then....

*Present Day*
"And then what?" Dr. Turner asked.
"Bella, it's okay." Kathleen said. Mom came back into my room at that moment. I went back inside my bathroom.
"Bella, we can only help you if you tell us."
"You're going to think I'm stupid and overreacting."
"We won't." They all said.
*Flashback Continued*
I saw it.....the warehouse. It all started to come back, memories flooding my brain. I stepped closer to it. The door was unlocked. I began panting. The door slammed loudly.

"STOP YOU'RE HURTING ME!"
"PLEASE!"
"Be a good girl."
"You're such a good girl."

1, 2, 3, it's almost over. He's making that noise. That means he's almost done, Bella. Just gotta stay quiet. Just gotta be..a good girl.
"You can't HIDE FROM ME!"

A slew of random, horrible memories filled my brain and I started running. I ran, and I ran, and I ran.

"Bella?!" I practically fell into Clara's arms.
"Bella, what's wrong?" I sobbed uncontrollably.
"They won't leave me alone.... They won't stop."

*Back to Present Day*
"Please open the door, Bella. You don't have to be ashamed."
"But I am, because I'm stupid. I don't even know why I kept walking towards...it." I opened the door and everyone hugged me. They told me how brave I was for telling them, and that I shouldn't feel guilty or dumb, but I feel so numb. Everything just went in through one ear and out the other. A weight felt lifted off my shoulders, but I still felt like I was in so much pain. I'll never be normal, I'll always be like this. Broken.
******************
The Master Bathroom (7:54 PM) (Olivia's Perspective)
Bella's therapist concluded that it would probably be best to have her session tomorrow. I agreed. Bella was very overwhelmed and upset. I didn't want Bella to be pushed any further. I was so proud of her for finding the strength to open up, and seeing how much opening up affected her, I didn't want to push her past her breaking point. She agreed as well. She was emotionally and physically tired.
"That feel good?" Bella nodded.
"Mommy, my stomach..and my eyes."
"I know." I hugged her.
"Hold the compress against your eyes, they'll calm down. I'll get something for your stomach. Bella?"
"Yes?"
"I'm proud of you honey. Really proud." She nodded.
"Mom...do you think I'm an idiot? For going in the warehouse?"
"No, absolutely not. Because I know exactly how you felt. I've done the same thing."
"You have? Why?"
"After Lewis' trial, I went back...to where he kept me. I thought that if I did that, I'd get over it faster, that it'd help."
"That's what I thought too..." I hugged my daughter.
"You're not stupid okay. You're a survivor of sexual assault. You are a warrior. You have made it so far.Okay? Repeat that for me."
"I'm a survivor...of sexual assault. I'm a warrior."
"That's right." My phone rang.
"Do you mind if I take this call, sweet pea?" She shook her head and told me that she was going to her room to get something.
"Goodnight Leia."
"Night, Mommy."
"How's your sleepover going?"
"Good. Me and Ella made slime and we traded LOL dolls. And we watched movies too."
"That sounds awesome. Are you all ready for bed?" She nodded.
"Good girl. Leia, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah."
"Earlier you were telling me that you were sad about something... but you didn't finish. What was it, pumpkin?"
"Leia's better now. I'm okay. I-I'm not sad."
"Leia, you promised me that you would talk to me whenever you were sad. That you would tell me what's wrong."
"I don't wanna talk about it. It's hurty stuff." She said on the verge of tears.
"Hang up." She said sadly.
"Leia-" The call ended.
"Mom? You okay?" Bella asked.
"Yep. What's that?"
"Noah's UNO cards. Can we play a game?" I looked at the last text from Leia's iPad.

Leia: I don't wanna talk
Leia: about it I feel sad
Me: Leia, to stop feeling sad about things we talk about them, right?
Leia: Leia's not ready

All of my children are hurting, I feel like such a bad mother. I'm supposed to fix it all..instead, I just make my children more upset.

"Mom, can we?" Bella smiled a bit.
"Yes, honey. We can." Maybe, I can't fix it all, but I can do the little things. The things that make them smile.

To be continued~

A/N: Happy 4th of July! 🎇