Control

7 - Doesn't Feel Right

an- Back to Ellie's POV. I promise the next chapter will be like way longer lmao

As I clean down the bakery walls and start closing up for the night, I hear another ding as the door opens. I look quickly, ready to say that the bakery is closing for the night to a random disappointed customer, when I see the scruffy uncombed beard and bald head of the 57-year-old owner of the bakery. Arnold Hadner.

I wait in silence, watching him like a hawk as he inspects every nook and cranny, his steps creaking against the floorboard. Finally, he looks over at me with his beady eyes, and croaks, "What the fuck are you wearing?"

I look down at myself quickly, inspecting myself. I was wearing the apron that I wore to work all the time, and was wearing shorts that reached my mid-thigh and a loose shirt. I look back up at him, "What do you mean, Mr. Hadner?"

"You look like a slut." He laughs aloud to himself. "You better thank the lord that I hired you, otherwise you'd be a hussy out on that street for sure."

I don't reply, knowing he was in a bad mood and I didn't want to add fuel to the fire. He just continued. "And this place is so dusty, I mean, what am I even fuckin paying you for? Goddamn."

I had just dusted. I knew he was lying, but I wasn't really sure why. I never understood people who lied to start fights. My father used to do that.

When I don't bite back, he just continues with the negative comments. "How much money did you even make today? Or in the past week?" I replied with the number of sales that I figured I had done this week. He tsks, "You know damn well that that isn't enough. You need to bring in more money, or I'm kicking you and your son out."

I sigh quietly. "He's my brother." After those words leave my mouth, he's grabbing my face roughly.

"I oughta shove soap down your throat and clean that attitude out of you. Make more fuckin money, or it'll be your ass out on the streets after all, before I fuck it myself."

He walks out, shoving my jaw to the ground, making me stumble and hit my head against the floor. After I know he's gone, I pull myself to sit against the wall, and sob. My head hurts, and my body hurts, and my brain hurts, and my heart hurts. I can physically feel an ache, and It's overwhelming me. My heart is beating in my ears, and my hands are starting to shake.

Mr. Hadner had said the exact words that my father's friends had said to me when I was 15, although they somewhat kept their promises. I didn't want to wait around for the day that Mr. Hadner decided to act on his thoughts, but what else could I do?

I start to stare out the window, feeling myself disconnect from my surroundings. I was getting tunnel vision, and my hands stopped shaking, but the panic was now more inside my body than out. It's like I could see myself on a tv screen, or from a third-person view. I felt out of body in the worst way possible.

I don't know how long I sat there, gazing into nothing, before I heard the cries of Eddie, and felt him hug me as he sat down beside me. He slowly crawled into my lap, and I patted him on the back as he cried like me. I did the right thing, I'm doing the right things. Why is it so hard? Why do I feel so bad?

A couple of hours had passed now, and I was at my second job at a hotel bar making drinks for gross people. It wasn't a job I enjoyed, but at least my boss didn't threaten me, and I remained at least slightly anonymous thanks to the masquerade-ish masks that were policy for this bar.

I'm going around the room with shot glasses when I hear a holler. I turn around and a large group of men are staring at me, waiting for me to walk toward them. Keep calm, Ellie. Keep walking. Just continue walking. The bar is safe.

As soon as I'm in arm's reach, they start grabbing me, pulling me every which way, and making innuendos that I certainly don't understand, but by their tone, I can only assume that I'd be disgusted if I understood.

I wish I could quit, I really do, but this is one of the only places that would take me during nights and nothing else, even though I'm technically not supposed to be working here since I'm only 20. I make much more money here than I do from a week's worth in the bakery anyways, so I come here during weekend night's and it helps me a lot. I also get free access to the basically-abandoned gym downstairs through the owner of the building, Lorraine. She was a sweet 68-year-old woman who seemed to take a liking to me, and I appreciated her greatly for it. After my shifts, I could come downstairs and work out for hours before going back to the bakery and Eddie, and honestly, it was the nicest place in my life right now.

As I continue to go around the tables after escaping the group of men, I'm only groped and pushed more. All I want is for this to end. How do I get this to end? I thought I was doing it all right. Why does this not feel right?