The Dark Roads: The Complete Story

Chapter 2: Winding Roads

I have always thought of my mind as a road. A very long and complicated road. Every mental decision I make, that's just a split in the road. Every difficultly I've gone through in my head, well that's just a bump in the road. It had been a long time since my mind was able to cruise on a smooth highway. I'm still hoping for that day.

Today, my mind decided to take a detour. I woke up thinking about college, something I have put less and less thought into as the days go by. During the summer, I had gotten accepted to Baylor with a academic scholarship. Not a full ride unfortunately, but enough to make it affordable.

Tracy wanted to go because of the community and the campus. I wanted to go because there were less people at Baylor than most colleges in Texas. It also looked very nice. Even though it cost a lot to go there, my parents had the funds to pay for the parts my scholarship didn't cover.

Then another thought sprung into my head. I need Tracy around in my life. What if she went to a different college. What if she got a job somewhere very far away. I want to see her. I need to see her. And I don't want her to go.

Was this obsessive of me? Probably. But if junior year taught me anything, it was that I needed her more than anything. Without her, I was doomed.

It was a crushing thought to take, but it helped me see how truly important my friendship with Tracy was. It was something more valuable than gold. She made me feel something. There was no way I could make sense of any of this. My mind is road, but a road that has no real destination or reservations. Thoughts just came in and out as they pleased.

I decided to go over to Tracy's house and ask her where she got accepted to college. I found out quickly that she wasn't home that day when her mom came out and told me herself. She was probably out with her other friends at a party that I wasn't invited to. It wouldn't be the first time it happened. It's okay though, I knew the real Tracy.

Just then, I felt a buzz come if from my phone and checked to see who it was. Tracy had texted me saying that she was excited to see me at Baylor. I almost leaped with joy when I read this text. I wasn't going to be alone in Baylor. I had someone. As long as she was there everything was alright.

September 25, 2023

~One month later~

I looked over at the other side of the two lane road. Driving next to me was Tracy. I smiled at her before keeping my eyes back on the road. I saw out of the corner of my eye her smiling back.

We finally arrived at the tour of Baylor, welcomed by the large bush sign and the warm environment. Tracy drove her white Toyota alongside my truck for the 3 hour drive. We parked right next to each other and marveled at how good the campus looked. This was the third time I had been on the campus and each time it gets better.

Both our parents came with us. I have no idea what Tracy's parents thought about me, but I know my mother have always had a warm spot for Tracy. At times, she would treat Tracy like the daughter she never had.

The sister I never had.

Memories began to flood my mind. Very unpleasant memories.

The truth is, I wasn't always full of dark thoughts and depressing ideas. At one point, it was never even a problem. This darkness in me started a very long time ago.

When I was little, probably 8 years old, my Mom told me I was getting a little sister. Being an 8 year old little kid, I was more than ecstatic to have a sibling that I could share my house with. I had lived 8 years of my life with no one I could relate my problems to. Of course these problems were very minuscule compared to my problems now, but they meant a lot to me.

One day, she said she was leaving to get my sister and that when she returned, my sister would be with her.

I waited and waited for them to come home.  I kept picturing what the world would be like when my sister joined it.

As I was thinking about this made up world, I heard a ring of my door bell. When my mom opened the door, she didn't have anyone with her. She stood there, a tear running down her face, not knowing what to say to me. Being young, I was confused why she came home empty handed, and it took me over a year later to fully understand what had happened.

My miscarriage . My sister never made it home.

The day I learned the truth was the day it all started. I felt alone in that house. I felt like I was cheated out of having a sibling. Another person to live with and play with.

When my dad found out this news, things between my mom and dad started to get more difficult, which led to their eventual divorce.

When I lost both my dad and my sister,  my dreams started to turn into nightmares.

Even then, it wasn't as bad as it is now. Back then, I was stuck between the happy memories and the dark ones. Because of what happened a year ago, the darkness won over.

I was too caught up in my own thoughts to notice the beautiful campus surrounding me.

"I cant believe we are finally here". Tracy said.

I cant believe I am here with you; is what I wanted to say so very badly.

"It is so beautiful" I responded. Like her

After senior year I would finally get to go to college. We walked around and talked to many people who greeted us nicely. Each one had their own story to tell. I wonder when I would be able to share my story, and I wonder if it would be worth telling.

Word Count: 1052