The Dark Roads: The Complete Story

Chapter 10: Regretful Endulgence

I should have left well enough alone. I should have trusted her. Why did I make things so complicated? Trust; It's a gift more valuable than gold. A gift that can't be given to everyone. Why was she abusing my trust? She's not that kind of girl, and she knows that.

I kept thinking these things as I walked over to her.

I was tired trying to protect her. I'm not her guardian angel. I'm not her knight in shining armor. I'm just a person who has so much stress going on in his life that it has taken over me. I need to relax.

I walked over to her and put my hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me, her face clouded with confusion. I leaned in closer and whispered in her ear.

"You know what the problem with us right now."

Her eyes became completely dark. Her expression almost revealed a look of guilt, but I couldn't tell if she felt guilty or if she was just looking at me like that.

"What's that?"

"You have no idea who I really am. Who I am on the inside. And maybe that's partly my fault¨

¨What are you saying?¨ She asked with great eagerness.

¨Just hear me out for a second. You mean so much to me and..."

¨Can we discuss this later Chris?¨  She said, cutting me off. She waited for me to reply, but I was taken aback. I was about to pour my heart out to her and she wanted none of it.

I turned and walked away from the conversation. At this point, I was lost. I felt betrayed. I felt so incredibly stupid.

Why would she do this. Maybe I am overreacting a bit, but it's not like I can change who I am. This is me, the dude who wears his heart on his sleeve and overreacts to every little thing.

Even if she had only had a couple drinks, I could tell she was somewhat drunk. I have never seen her drinking before, and I have never felt this sort of way.

Was she drinking because she wanted to escape reality? Was she drinking to escape me?

I didn't know anything anymore.

I wandered into a small crowd of people and found an empty spot against the wall. It was there where I would be sitting for the next half hour. I slid down against a wall and thought about everything that has happened in my life. It made me realize how alone I was at this moment.

¨Hey Christopher, it's me.¨ A familiar voice called to me.

I looked up only to see my ex girlfriend, Lindsey. I looked back down.

¨Oh, Hey Lindsey.¨ I said dully.

¨What's wrong?¨ She asked.

I looked back up.

¨Nothing.¨ I answered with a forced smile.

¨Oh...Well I know your lying to me because you look like you're about to cry. Are you ok?¨

¨No. I'm not okay." I replied.

¨Here, try this. It could help.¨ She said as she extended a beer towards me.

¨No thanks, you of all people know I don't drink any.¨

¨ Listen, I know you think drinking is bad, which it is, but drinking can help you too. It can take your mind away from that pain you are probably feeling.¨ She once again extended that drink towards me.

I looked over at Tracy and saw her having so much fun without me. At this point, I had no more rational thoughts left.

I grabbed the drink and looked at it. I didn't know if it was worth it. I looked back at Lindsey.

¨Trust me¨ she said.

I drank my first beer that day. I drank the whole thing. Then I drank a second and a third. Lindsey wasn't lying, I did feel better. I started to lose myself in thoughts. I got up and tried to walked around, but I ended up stumbling and falling on my back.

I got back up, walked around for a little bit, and after that... well... I can't remember much after that. I remember finding a bed and trying to get some sleep. Then I remember hearing a voice, a girls voice, which surrounded my mind and took over it.

All I could think of was this girls voice as she continually begged for me to do something for her; and I listened. I did as she said. I indulged in the voice and continued doing whatever it was I was doing. I remember a feeling of both warmth and regret running down my chest all the way to my feet.

I remember laying down in my bed feeling exhausted. Overwhelming tiredness ran through my body, causing me to fall into a deep slumber.

Word Count: 798