The Dark Roads: The Complete Story

Chapter 9: Eyes of Wonder

It was less than an hour until the party began. I was outside my house sitting comfortably in my car. The moon shone bright above the trees. It was so peaceful and quiet. Every night, I've wished that I had some place to go where I could spend the night with someone I adored. Well tonight was that night. I had someone with me, and if I had a choice, I would've made her stay here forever. Unfortunately for me, she wasn't going to sit here and do nothing with me for a full hour. I slightly smiled to myself and drove off.

This time we would start the party off together. I wasn't going to let her leave my sight. Tonight, we were a couple, and I wanted to keep it that way.

 
...

An hour later we made our way to the front of the large mansion. I knocked on the door and was greeted by a slightly shorter than average man. I'm guessing he was Trent's dad but I wasn't sure. I figured out quickly that he was drunk with the way he walked and talked to us. It was as if there was someone behind us he was talking to. He let us in and gave us both an awkward high five as we passed him.

The party was in full force. Each of the kids and adults were laughing and having a great time. A part of me wanted to break away, to try and make my way through the crowd, and I would be surprised if any of them noticed me. They all seemed to be having a blast, and I should've been too. Tracy and I approached a table where a woman had a clear plastic cup of purple liquid. She handed it to Tracy, and gave her a pen. She took the pen and wrote her name on it. Too my dismay, she walked away from me to fill it up with what I am guessing was some alcoholic beverage. This is going to be a fun, I thought to myself sarcastically.

Not more than a minute later she walked back up to the table, a clear plastic cup in hand. I had time to reflect on what just happened. I knew in my mind that I had to protect her innocence.

"Hey Tracy?"

"Oh, what's up Chris?"

"Are you going to drink that whole cup" I asked.

"No, you can have some if you want it." She said.

Not the answer I was looking for. I am a mature man, and I know how to take care of myself. So I am not going to let her drink anything like that. It can only lead to bad things. "Oh, what the hell. Pour me a cup" I said with a slight smile.

What am I doing? I can't drink, not tonight. But she wants me to so badly. The way she's holding it out to me. No, I can't. I can't do it. This will be my first party night with her. And if i'm not careful, it could be my last.

"Never mind Tracy, I'm gonna stay sober."

She looked at me for a second and shrugged, taking a sip of her drink.

"Can you at least not get too drunk, maybe just a little tipsy?" I almost begged of her.

"Sure thing. Anything for you." She said cutely. Then she gave me a small kiss. This eased my nerves ever so slightly.

Just then, a couple of popular boys called Tracy over to their table. They were playing some game involving beer. She started to walk over without remorse. I got flashbacks from the horrific event from 2 years ago and wanted her to have nothing to do with that game. I grabbed her arm as she was walking away and tugged her as a gesture to stay with me.

"Hey. Let me have a little bit of fun." She exclaimed.

I looked at her a knew she was right. I couldn't force her to not have fun.

"It's fine Chris, really."

"Okay" I said.

I saw everyone around me look at us as if we had done something bad. I felt embarrassed and I let go of her hand. She walked over to them and started to play that God forsaken drinking game. I didn't see her drink anything from them, but she went over and sat down with them. I stood there for a moment, confused as to what to do. What I really wanted was to walk over there and tell them to leave her alone. But I knew that she wanted me to let her go so badly.

I came to this party because I wanted to be with Tracy. Now that she was gone, I had no real reason to be at the party.

I went to the bathroom and sat there for a moment. I started to realize what was happening. The harder I tried to stop her, the more she wanted to do it. The more I forced upon her, the more she wanted to defy me. She didn't want to be tamed, she wanted to be free. "Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes." I believe Gandhi said that. It was true in this moment. She needed to be free to make mistakes, or she would probably end up making even more mistakes. Even if this is true, it was not what I planned, so I had no idea what to do.

I came out of the bathroom and looked at her. She was giggling and joking around with them. I panicked. What could I do? I quickly started walking over to her. I wanted to tell her how I felt about her and see if she would talk with me about it.
Anything to get her away from them without me seeming controlling.

As I walked, I continued to ignore the fact that people were staring. These eyes of wonder and humiliation. As I walked I kept asking myself the same question over and over. Can I ever find love if I can't put the past behind me.

Word Count: 957