anywhere, somewhere, far away

01

Why can't good things stay?

Entropy increases. Things fall apart.

"You're coming with me, whether you like it or not. I'm very disappointed with all the nonsensical things you've been doing here in Manila. Sinasayang mo ang pera ko." Banayad ngunit may bahid ng galit na sambit sa akin ng Lolo. Matalim ang tingin niya sa akin na para bang sobra niya akong kinamumuhian.

Matamlay ko siyang pinagmasdan na maglakad pabalik-balik sa harapan ko. Sa sobrang galit niya ay halos makakita ako ng usok na lumalabas sa ilong niya. He has always been like this to me. He's always mad and disappointed in me, like I've never done anything right and good in my life all along.

Pero buti na lang at sa akin lang siya ganito. Kung pati sa mga kapatid ko ay ganito siya, baka iyon ang hindi ko matanggap. I don't even remember what I have done to make him act like this towards me. Siguro ay wala lang talaga siyang mapaglagyan ng galit niya kaya sa akin niya ibinubuhos. Hinayaan ko na lang at nasanay na ako. Ilang taon na rin naman kasi ang lumipas simula nang mawala sina Mommy and Daddy.

Pero paminsan-minsan ay hindi ko maiwasang isipin na dahil siguro sa pagkawala nina Mommy ang rason kung bakit galit sa akin si Lolo. I wish he would just straight up say it to my face and not act like a bitch every time we're around each other. Medyo masakit kasi siya magsalita, e.

Buti napigilan ko ang mapait na halakhak at iniwas na lang ang tingin kay Lolo. Tama naman rin siya na pera niya ang ginagastos, pero I've been using it for sensible things. Para sa akin ay hindi ko iyon sinasayang. I just got my masters and he thinks I was using his money for nothing. It's my education he's talking about. My heart hurt at that. I wasn't even using my allowance, which is also his money. Dahil alam ko na ganito ang magiging reaksyon niya. Punong-puno na siguro ang back account ko. Napailing na lang ako bago bumuntong hininga.

"Pack up your things. Our flight's at midnight. Huwag mong sasabihin ito sa mga kapatid mo. You know how they are." Tinalikuran niya ako. "Buti pa ang tatlo, may pakinabang." Rinig ko pa na bulong niya.

Nanatili akong nakaupo roon sa opisina niya kahit na nakalabas na si Lolo. I chewed on my lower lip to stop the urge to cry. I release a shaky breath before standing up like nothing happened. Mahinahon akong lumabas ng opisina ni Lolo bago dumeretso sa kuwarto ni Lily. I won't listen to him this time.

A slight knock on her door and she immediately opened it. Her eyes widening a bit after seeing me.

"Ate, what brings you here? Pasok ka." She excitedly invite me inside. Umiling ako at ngumiti na ikinakunot ng noo niya.

"No need. I'll just say a few things." Tumango siya.

"I know I just got home not long ago, but I have to leave you three again." Bumuntong hininga ako. Para siyang binagsakan ng langit at lupa sa narinig.

"What?" Pigil ang pagtaas ng boses niya.

"I'm sorry. I promised to take you out pa naman tomorrow." Malungkot akong yumuko. I feel like I keep failing them as their older sister.

"Si Lolo nanaman ba ang may kagagawan nito? Bakit ba siya galit na galit sa 'yo? Wala ka namang ginagawang masama! It's also not your fault why Mommy and Daddy died!" Naluluha na rin si Lily habang sinasabi iyon.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Okay lang ako. You don't have to worry." I gave her a hug.

"No, it's not okay. You're not supposed to be okay after all he's said and done to you." Humikbi siya. "I'll talk to him." Kumalas siya sa yakap ko at akmang pupuntahan si Lolo nang pigilan ko siya.

"Lily," I called her and she stopped. "Don't. You'll just make him mad again." I chuckled.

"He's never gotten mad at me, though." She sniffed.