Freaks - an MCYT high school AU fanfiction

Chapter 29 - Impulse

The hyphen (or dash I never remember which is which) was intentional.

Just to set you on edge. 

:)

TW: mentions of suicide and torture, extreme levels of angst

The principal wants to 'talk' to me again.

Merely days after I'm freed from the hospital I receive the demand to tell them exactly what happened. 

Another reason to hate myself. 

It takes a frustratingly short amount of time for Skizz to realise, but I guess he's grown accustomed to it as one of my three moods, the others being pretending to be alright and regretting everything. 

'Impulse, don't go. You- stay here and I'll protect you.' He begs. We're sitting in the kitchen, eating breakfast. I sigh back.

'Then you'll get in trouble. You'll... they'll hurt you to get to me. They'll kill you.'

'Your life's worth more than mine.' He takes another bite of the eggs and bacon he's made for both of us. I slam my hands on the table.

'You don't get it!'

'Impulse, please. You're tired.'

'Of course I'm tired! I've been trying to decide whether I kill Grian or Scar all night! Or if I just make up some s*** about... I don't know... Joel... having magic, and sentence another innocent person.'

'Then let me go instead.' 

I don't answer, staring at Skizz for a moment. 

'I need to be alone.' 

'You need to eat.' 

The plate of barely eaten food in front of me is the last thing I want to stomach. 

'I'm fine. I'm not hungry.' My belly growls. Skizz narrows his eyes.

 'Eat. Or I'm force-feeding you bacon until you've had enough.' 

'Fine!' I stab my food, eating furiously until more of it's gone. 'Happy now?' My fork clangs loudly as I drop it, mouth wavering as I try not to cry. One small sob. Skizz's expression softens.

'I'm sorry. But you needed to eat more. Starving yourself isn't helping anyone.' He approaches to hug or comfort me. I stand up, giving a death-stare before I enter out room, slamming the door behind.

Skizz follows.

'Impulse, come on buddy. I'm trying to help.'

'I don't need your help. It just makes me feel even worse.' I admit. 'Like I can't look after myself any more. I don't deserve it.'

'You're my best friend. I'm not letting you down.' He says simply. I want to throw something at him. The anger rises and boils inside me but I can't let it out. My mouth stays sealed shut, in fear of something horrible coming out if I open it. My hands are clenched at my side, legs shake. 'If you're worried about telling on someone, you can tell on me.'

'NO!'

'You can tell on me. I don't care.'

'They'll F***ING MURDER YOU, SKIZZ!' My temper explodes 'You can't DO THIS!'

'I'll escape! I'll run away! Techno did.'

'You're not Technoblade! You're an overly caring student who's failing all your classes! Why- why would you give yourself up?! Why would you volunteer yourself as the one thing I have left to care about?!' There's a lamp on my bedside table. Every muscle in my body tells me to throw it across the room. Break something. A form of catharsis to stop myself from doing anything worse.