Lost Soul

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Gone

She stands, slowly, reaching for my dagger, which lay on the desk next to her.

"I'm not like them," I whisper. But what does that mean? What does that mean to either of us? It's not like I know Thomas. It's not like I know my mother either.

"I'm meant to believe that?" She asks, lifting the dagger. "Do you have any idea what she did to me!? To my family!?"

My lips tremble. "I shouldn't know," I whisper. "I was so young when she took us." I jab my tongue into my cheek and look down. I can't tell my friends about the memories. I haven't even been able to admit it to myself.

But this woman, who saved my life, is one of the people who suffered my mother's actions. She needs to understand what she's done by letting me live.

What monster she's given life to.

A tear trickles down her cheek. "He was seven." Her voice cracks. "He was seven when she took him." She steps towards me, holding my dagger all wrong.

It would be easy to disarm her.

I don't.

"He was a twin, you know? We had a little sister. She was barely a week old when she disappeared from her crib. My moms stopped looking after a couple years. I did too. But my brother, the oldest one, he wouldn't give up. He was a child. And when our youngest brother was taken... By your mother-." She grabs my shirt in her fist and presses my dagger under my chin. "He was supposed to be watching him. He looked away for two seconds. Then he was gone. Our mothers tried not to look at him differently, but they did. Only took him a month to run away. To find what your mother stole from us. He was barely a teenager."

I keep my gaze steady on hers. "I'm sorry."

She slams me into the back of her couch, pressing the dagger deeper. "You're sorry!? How old were you!? Five? Six?"

I nod, nicking my throat on the blade. "Six."

Her eyelids flutter. Her chest heaves. She sniffles and pulls the dagger away. "What's Thomas really here for? The people she took? Or to kill you?"

"I don't know. I assume both. He wants them to fight in his war. But he doesn't want me there. I don't know why."

She scoffs, "you don't know why?"

I shake my head. "My memories... are spotty. They were blocked until the power went out. They've been returning. Slowly. But not all of them."

"You don't know who you are?" She asks. "To Thomas? To Ebony? To Zorcath?"

"I don't know anything," I whisper. "I barely know how my mother is wrapped up in all of this. I don't know why Cat looks like me, or why Charlie vowed to protect me when I caused all of this, I don't know why the hell my mom kidnapped dozens of kids and brought them here. I don't have answers."

She steps away from me.

"You should kill me."

Her gaze snaps to mine. "What?"

"Thomas is offering a reward for my death."

"I don't want his damn money. It's worthless here! It's worthless to me!"

"Then you should kill me because this is my fault! Whatever reason my mother kidnapped people, that's on me. I know it was because of me. Thomas is here, terrorizing people, killing people, because of me. Everyone I love dies. Margot, Oliver, Will, Rae, D-." My voice breaks and I look away. I can't admit it. I can't believe I've lost so many people. I know Death told me Will and Rae are alive, but I won't believe it until I see them. Until I feel them in my arms again.