Diary/Journal/Whatever is Manly

Chapter 42

"Breathe in deeply and count down from 10, okay?"

"Okay."

"You're in good hands, you don't have to nervous. You're just taking a quick nap, think about someone or something that makes you happy, so you can have good dreams."

"Ten...nine...eight...sev...seve...se..."

---

"So, it was a car accident?"

"Yeah."

"How old were you?"

"Ten."

"Who-who raised you?"

"Axel."

"Your uncle?"

"Our butler. He's the Alfred to my Bruce Wayne," Tyler said with a bitter chuckle.

"Oh."

"How did you find me?"

"Dennis called me panicking. Said you were going to visit your parent's graves, and how last time you tried to commit suicide."

"Oh."

"Yeah... Why didn't you just tell us you were scared to die?" Misty asked, staring at the grass she was busy uprooting. "I mean, you have to know, we're all scared of dying."

"I didn't tell you because I don't want the surgery. I've seen how this goes. Dennis' Auntie had cancer a while back. She refused chemo, and everyone resented her for it. Calling her 'selfish' and saying, 'she was throwing her life away.'"

"You thought we'd resent you, or try to force you to get the surgery?" Tyler hummed in answer, continuing his stare-off with two tombstones in front of him. "I feel like humans, just struggle with the unknown. We have this God-complex to just know everything. And sometimes when we don't understand something, we just fill in the gaps with our own biased reasoning. So, I'm gonna ask you 'why' Tyler. I'm gonna ask, why don't you want to have the surgery?"

"They're drilling into my skull. This isn't like other surgeries, were the worst thing the doctors can do is leave an instrument in me. At least that way I could sue them. But, no we're talking about my brain here, my control centre." Tyler huffed, as though the reason were obvious.

"It has to be more than that. You heard Dr Travis, you could  have a seizure in a less than ideal place and die. Hell, the stress of venting to your dead parent's could have caused one, and you could have cracked your head against a tombstone."

"You said you weren't gonna force me to have the surgery."

"I'm trying to understand Tyler. It's the only way I'm gonna get, 'attention-seeking, spoilt, rich kid', out of my head."

"Really?" Tyler deadpanned. When he realised Misty was not going to budge he frustratedly yelled, "I don't know what you want me to say."

"The truth." Misty replied softly, as though she were speaking to a frightened and cornered animal.

"I'm scared I'm not going to be same person anymore. Like, if I lose 2.0 then I lose my whole fun personality. I lose my friends, I lose my art, I lose you."

"Tyler, that's stupid and irrational."

"Mis--"

"No Tyler! Listen! You can't lose anything, because there's nothing to lose in the first place. Tyler 2.0 isn't some separate entity that's going to miraculously disappear. You are Tyler 2.0! You don't have a twin, you don't have another personality. All you do have is one brain. And yes, one side is more serious than the other, but the bottom line is... it's one brain. They're draining fluid Tyler, not removing half of your brain. You couldn't lose Tyler 2.0 even if you tried."

"That's not how it feels like."

"You know I feel like this is my fault. I'm the one who started treating you like there were two of you. Calling you Tyler and the one Tyler 2.0, running different experiments, and always talking about how different you were. But if you look at my notes, I always refer to you as one person, because subconsciously I know that's what you are. And deep down you know that too." Tyler finally looked up at Misty for the first, since she had arrived. He searched her eyes, and all he could find was truth. "Even if you lose your fun side, I still quite like this version."

---

Tyler woke up slowly. Eyes blinking at an unusual rate, body stretching as though possessed and mouth making worrying noises. Once his eyes adjusted to the light, he laid there for a moment starting at the white ceiling above him. He felt groggy, and was fighting sleep, wanting to stay awake. To be honest, he was quite disappointed. When he woke up, he was just plain. But, once his brain caught up with the situation, the disappointed settled in. He was expecting to feel different in some way. To have the evidence of what he had gone through but, he felt exactly the same as before.

"Hi," Tyler turned his head towards the soft whisper. Squinting, he stared at Misty as though meeting her for the first time. "You've been staring at the ceiling for a while, so I thought I'd just announce my presence."

"What's the date?" Tyler whispered back, due to his dry throat.

"You've been asleep for two days." Misty answered, as she held up some water for him to drink. "So...?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you feel any less funny?"