Don't Push Me Away

~23~

Solana's POV

A huge part of me wanted to make stuff right with both Y/n and Megan, but the other half of me felt I should let time pass and work out any problems on its own. I didn't feel like putting to much effort into something that means nothing to the second person because her girlfriend seems to have problems with me and Y/n has zero interest in being nice.

While holding Darius, I picked up my phone and dialed her number. After waiting about two minutes, I heard some laughter in the background until Y/n picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Y/n/n, i was calling to check on everything with you." I kinda lied.

"Oh i'm good, how bout you and Darius?" she asked.

"We're making it, one day at a time you know." I chuckled.

"Yea I get it, been taking care of Iyonna and Kam like crazy while Megan goes to the studios and clubs." she spoke kinda makin me feel off about the last part.

"The clubs?" I rephrased.

"Yea... no big deal though she's got shows and she's makin her money. You know how the business is, she gotta hustle harder to be noticed." she said sounding proud.

I won't ruin her happiness then...

"That's true, well I was wondering if you could come over so we could talk about some things? Bring Kam and Iyonna too, I don't want Megan thinking shit is weird." I added cautiously.

She sounded hesitant to say yes, but she agreed anyways and hung up to get ready.

About an hour later, she was here.

"Hey Solana, you wanted to talk?" she asked.

I nodded motioning her and Kam in since Iyonna was knocked out in her carseat.

"I just wanted to clear things up, a lot of things up between us. Like the party.. what your mom said definitely made me upset and uncomfortable because I was being called out, at a Christmas party, in front of your girlfriend and everyone else. That's very embarrassing considering it was a personal time for me.. and I still think about it so regardless-"

"Listen Sos, you gotta understand she came from a place of defense. That's embarrassing for me to think of too because I cried for nights asking myself why you wouldn't let me be there for you both. The whole time, I should've been asking you. But no, I went to my mom's for weeks, Megan would make me eat so I wouldn't starve myself, she'd help me to the shower. All because I shut down, and thanks to you I am with Megan. So I don't wanna hear how you were "embarrassed" because you weren't the only one."
Y/n said painfully as she wiped a tear that was threatening to fall.

"I know and I'm sorry Y/n. I personally didn't feel comfortable enough. I did what I knew was easier and ran away."

"Sorry doesn't help any of that. You know I can't go to a beach anymore?.. All I think of is the breakup and that used to be my only healing place, but now being home with my kids-"

"Im sick and tired of hearing that Y/n.. you're technically using strangers as your healing place because you have zero blood relation to that little girl and Kam was from a sperm donor." said a random voice behind me.

"Kaash? When did you get here?" I asked.

"I came in last night to sleep in the guest room. But I been up hearing this whole ass conversation and all it's doing is ticking me off. Lana keeps telling you time and time again Y/n she didn't feel comfortable putting her child on your current responsibilities so she left to deal with him herself. She never said you couldnt help but she didn't wanna be with you at the moment. You keep making all this shit about yourself, but it's not. It's about Darius and now Solana.. I was here for them because you went away butt hurt instead of clearing things up." Kaash continued.

"Kameron and Iyonna are more my kids-"

"You need to leave."

"Solana?" Y/n asked.

"I agree Y/n, i'm sorry but i think it's best for right now." I said with a heavy heart.

This isn't how things were supposed to go...

Y/n/n chuckled and grabbed her kids ready to leave.

"Funny how you called me here to have a conversation to clear things up, but all you did was ruin a good friendship."

When she left I turned to Kaash who was smiling at me nervously. I laid Darius down and walked over to her.

"Sos i'm sorry but it siunded like she was guilt tripping you an-" I cut her off with a heavy backhand.

"Get the fuck out. Give me my key and get out right now. You had zero business coming in here and speaking for me because she had a right to feel how she felt Kaash. You had zero right telling her those kids weren't hers because she's more of a parent to them than anyone. So you can get the hell out." I viciously spoke words of anger and pain knowing how it felt to hear words like those.

I keep fucking things up and at this point, I'm positive I need to be alone.

Y/n's POV

Was I hurt?

Hell yes... but the further I drove from Solana's place the more true the words felt.

"You have zero blood relation to that little girl and Kam was from a sperm donor.."

I need another therapist.

Megan wasn't home and I knew I needed her more than a therapist right now, she always knew what to say at the right time.

For once I didn't go crying, I took the kids in the house and fed them before setting them up for nap time.

I rocked Iyonna to sleep and began to drift off myself, but Kameron came and laid across me.

These are my kids.