The Wolf Pack

Chapter 52

Life goes on, even when you are lost in thought and drowning inside your own mind, the galaxy around you continues to exist outside your own perception of reality. Kriari knew this, and as she walked down the ramp and onto Geonosian soil once again, she tried to put her feelings for Wolffe and the dread of their next encounter aside. It was not easy, and she was convinced her master would notice her unease rather quickly, but still, she had a job to do.

Not that any of the Jedi masters present would point out how uneven and foggy the Force felt around her anyway.

There was a criminal to deliver to Coruscant and a supply mission to run.

In what Kriari thought as an attempt to show trust for his Padawan, Anakin Skywalker volunteered all three apprentices to get the supplies at Ord Cestus medical station and get them to Master Windu in Dantooine. Without their consent, of course, Skywalker had never been the kind to ask for permission, he would much rather ask for forgiveness instead. Not that Kriari looked down on relief and rescue missions, but it would have been nice to be allowed a choice, she never did like being forced to do anything.

But the decision was not hers to make, and whether she wanted it or not, she was going to have a lot more time to think about what was really bothering her. It's not like she was going to have much to do in their hyperspace journey to the Medical Station in Ord Cestus. She was glad to be spending more time with Ahsoka either way, and was looking forward to getting to know Barriss better.

They boarded the medical frigate and took off, clearing the Geonosian atmosphere and making the jump to hyperspace without issues. All three of them decided it was better to get some sleep and save their energy before their journey to Ord Cestus, so they agreed getting some sleep was in their best interest.

Their first dilema was the sleeping arrangements. The private cabin had only sleeping spaces for two, but the matter was resolved quite efficiently. Ahsoka was the youngest, so it was customary for Jedi to accommodate their youngest first, and Barriss would clearly be uncomfortable with sharing a room with the troopers since it was the opposite of what her culture would have deemed appropriate. Kriari on the other hand had always been comfortable around Clones, almost too comfortable depending on who was asked, so she was the one to volunteer to sleep in the troopers' quarters.

Not that she did any sleeping either. Kriari's mind was too full, too stormy, too agitated to be able to sleep- the 212th had forced her to rest enough already. Instead she decided meditating on one of the bunks furthest from the door would give her enough privacy to do it in peace. She was quite used to the movement around the clones' quarters, so the shuffling, snoring or sleep talking didn't really bother her.

Kriari crossed her legs underneath her and set the backs of her hands on top of her knees. It had been a while since she had last meditated, and it would take her a while to get into it while her mind wanted to be elsewhere. She even found she wanted to let her mind wander off, but she knew better than to let it.

So she started with mindful breathing, the basics. She had a habit of simplifying every task when in a rut, which helped her to slowly add to the complexity of the task. This way she could make progress and avoid frustration. Lack of movement or progress had always been her major source for the emotion, and it was one of the things -aside from her quick temper- that the Jedi Order had failed to trai out of her.

Once she got her breathing under control, slow, deep and steady, she brought her awareness within. She took notice of how her body felt, which muscles were tense, which limbs were sore, which sense felt the sharpest. Slowly, she opened herself to the Force, and allowed it to flow though her, stimulating the midichlorians within her and becoming a part of the Force herself. She noted absentmindedly when her body left the mattress and started levitating sluggishly a foot above the surface.

She felt her heart, the flow of her blood, and how it seemed to be completely in sync with the sleeping men around her. It felt like peace, harmony. It felt like the ebb and flow of Tatooine's winds, the shifting of its sands, the howling of the breeze entering its canyons.

She felt the living Force of both Barriss and Ahsoka in their room, of the pilots up on the bridge- but, there was another life form, a clone trooper. His was the only signature that felt troubled, erratic, like he was still in fight mode. Maybe he was having trouble getting his mind off the battlefield. Kriari couldn't blame him, she had been there herself, and at times still struggled with it. He would be just fine with a little rest. Clones were hard to shake.

Kriari decided to make the most of her peace and consulted with the Force on her situation with Wolffe. The way the Jedi consulted with the Force was to shut out every piece of information that came from the senses or the mind, and try to only hear what the Force had to say. It was hard work, one had to be able to discern the screaming of the mind from the whispering of the Force, but when you had trained your entire life to do it, and when you were in regular contact with the Force, it all came quite easy. But Kriari had long stopped being just a Jedi, it had been years already since she had also become a friend, a daughter, a commander, a soldier, and -why not say it?- a lover.

When Kriari thought of Wolffe, the Force around her felt safe, soothing, protective. But when she thought about losing him, the Force got erratic, almost anxious. It was quite clear to the Padawan what that meant. Wolffe wasn't the problem, and neither was her love for him. It was fear of loss that complicated things. This was information Kriari already knew, but sometimes it was nice to have confirmation for it. She knew loving someone would never be wrong, it would go against everything the Jedi had ever taught her. No, the problem was that she had gotten attached and now considered Wolffer part of her family. "Hers", a possessive personal pronoun. Yes, she was screwed all right.

She simply needed to make sure she was ready to let go of her connection to the man whenever it was meant to happen. Or she would be facing bigger consequences than those she did in Khorm.

Ahsoka and Barriss's Force signatures started moving behind her mind's eye, they were headed to the cantine, most likely because they too couldn't sleep. Kriari decided to leave her rumination for a time when she wasn't on duty and let herself fall onto the mattress before leaving to join them. She knew Ahsoka well enough to guess why she couldn't sleep. It wasn't the first time overstimulation kept her up at night.

She left the sleeping quarters as silently as she could manage, the men deserved all the rest they could get, it was rare for them to have time off. As she stepped down from her bunk and walked towards the exit, she bumped into Scythe, who was just entering the sleeping quarters.

Kriari noted that something felt off about him, but when he greeted her with a nod and a simple "'Evening, Commander", she dismissed it as just post-battle jitters. She wished him a deep sleep before heading up towards the mess hall without giving it a second thought. They all coped differently with the kind of stress only fighting for one's life could give.