The Alpha's Other Woman

14 Managing

Carrie

My words echoed in the stillness, angry and cold. "What do you want, Dane?"

"I just thought—"

"What, that you could have the final blow against me for challenging your precious mate? I'm out of your territory and I'm not a part of your pack anymore, so I owe you nothing," I nearly growled at him and I started walking away.

"Carrie, listen—"

I whirled on Dane. "No, you've done enough! Leave me the hell alone! I'm leaving, like you wanted. Do you get some sort of sick pleasure out of screwing me around now?"

"This isn't what I wanted!"

I shot him a look that contained all the hate I had built up for him in the month since he had found Heidi and started treating me like garbage. "I don't care anymore, as long as you're the hell away from me. You started everything, then discarded me and pushed me into the corner, and I'm the one who is paying for all of it."

"Care—"

"Stop fucking calling me that, you asshole! That's not something you're allowed to call me."

He was getting angry—the entitled prick—and he started talking over me. "Carrie, I just want to say I didn't mean for it to come to this."

I didn't care about his anger. Let him lash out at me and hurt me if that's who he really was. "What, you thought forcing me to train your mate and telling her I didn't matter in front of me was going to go well? I would have stayed away, but no, I just had to do what was convenient for you. Everything for you. Even our relationship was to suit your needs, wasn't it? Convenient until it was not. I can't believe I ever believed you loved me."

"I did love you!" he snapped.

I shot him another look of pure contempt. "Right. This is what love looks like. Whatever. It's not my job to exonerate you. I'm leaving now. Don't follow me. I hope the pack stays safe. I can't say I wish you well, but I've got nothing against Heidi so good luck to her in dealing with her crappy excuse of a mate."

I walked off into the forest with as much dignity as I could muster, then just before I was out of sight I turned and announced loudly over my shoulder. "And I'm pawning the ring!"

He didn't argue or follow me again.

—————

I walked for hours as a wolf, and that night I slept in the forest, exhausted. When the moon rose and darkness fell, the loss of running with my pack was even more terrible. I felt so alone. The next day I did the same thing, and the next day, and the next. I lived like I had in the first days when I was avoiding Dane, except now I wandered more dangerous unclaimed territory rather than on Greenwoods pack lands.

Bitterly, I now understood that I should have simply intentionally gone rogue when he threw me over and saved myself all the other troubles. It would have had the same effect.

After days of wandering, I found myself at a small human town. I thought about trying to find a place amongst them, but my money wouldn't go that far and it was cheaper to live and eat out in the forest. I did treat myself to a meal in a diner, one time, but otherwise I kept mostly to myself since I kept getting strange looks from the humans.

I'd had almost no contact with humans in the past before I was banished, other than occasional pack supply business and almost entirely by phone or online interactions. Everything I knew about their lives was from television and the internet. They were so similar to us, but the idea that they were completely alone in their minds seemed lonely and strange. Even as a rogue, I at least had my wolf.

Eventually, I decided the town was too small for me to go unnoticed, so I continued on. I definitely didn't want to catch the eye of any hunters. They mostly left packs alone, but I remembered rumours of them going after rogues unjustly since no one really cared what happened to unaffiliated wolves.

It was strange to think I was one of the unaffiliated now. I'd heard many stories of how terrible rogues were, but I still felt like myself, except for the strange unmoored feeling of being packless. In spite of my terrible loneliness, I didn't seem to be losing my sanity, like I had heard people claim could happen.

The next town I reached had a nearby wolf pack, and I threw caution to the wind and tried my luck. I ventured into their territory via the main road in my human form and yelled, hoping someone would hear me.

It didn't take long for a pair of wolves to come and glare at me through yellow eyes. One shifted into a man, and I couldn't help but admire his chiselled upper torso, although I politely kept my eyes well away from anything lower.

"Why are you trespassing, rogue?"

"I was hoping to speak to your alpha."

"You're in luck, he's on his way." His tone was harsh. My throat tightened.

I tried to look calm and confident while I waited with the suspicious warriors. I didn't blame them, I would have looked at a random rogue the same way back when I had been a scout.

Only a few minutes later, a large black wolf joined the other wolf, and shifted into a middle-aged human, although still fit for all his years.

"Who are you and where are you from, rogue?"

I took a deep breath. "I'm Carrie Thomas, formerly of the Greenwoods pack."

"And what do you want, Carrie Thomas?"

It was the moment of truth. "I recently left, and I was hoping to join yours."

"Why did you leave Greenwoods?" the alpha asked.

More than ever, I really wish I had left before everything had escalated to the challenge.

"I lost a challenge against the new luna and was banished," I admitted. I could have lied, but he would definitely check because no one let in random rogues on trust alone. Once he found out, I would be in more trouble than simply telling the truth upfront.

The expression on his face showed that he was not feeling sympathetic. A luna challenge looked bad on my record, and I knew it. I swallowed. "I lost my temper when the alpha said I meant nothing to him, and I regretted it almost at once."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Carrie, but we don't need that sort of thing around here."

I hung my head.

"Escort her to the border, and don't hurt her," he said, turning away as he shifted into his wolf. I was accompanied until I was well out of the territory.

And so I continued wandering. I tried a couple other packs, but got similar results, ranging as far as I could get away from Greenwoods. After a particularly nasty rejection from Bluegorge, I resorted to my original plan and tried to make a life amongst the humans.

—————

It took me months to get myself situated in a human community. It was like a pack in many ways, but at the same time it had the same disconnect I still felt from the loss of my pack bonds. I couldn't feel the people around me, and I didn't really want to. I didn't tell my parents or friends about how empty I felt now when I occasionally called to let them know how I was. I pretended everything was fine.

And it was fine, I told myself over and over. I pawned the ring from Asshole Dane to help get me started, then I worked at a big box retailer, since I had no references besides Asshole Dane and I wasn't about to go and beg my ex to vouch for my abilities. To cover my lack of identifiable work experience, I explained that I had been married to a controlling man, and I found many humans would give me a break with my false story. It wasn't exactly true, but it was close enough that I didn't feel too guilty about the lie. I managed to find a small basement apartment, and on weekends I went to the edge of the city and let my wolf run free. We weren't happy, but we dealt with it. I managed to buy an old beater to make the journey faster, which was helpful when the full moon fell on nights when I couldn't get the time off. It was hard to deal with my wolf around humans when she got so antsy.

I had plans. After I got more situated, I would look for a better job, but in the short term I was managing, and what more could I ask for than that?