Broken Clocks

Chapter 44

Narrated

"We demand that Mnqobi marries Amanda. It's only fair , it would be a disgrace to our family for our one and only daughter to have a child out of wedlock" one of the uncles from Amanda's family suggests.

The two families have been going back and forth for hours now and they couldn't reach an understanding.  Ndalo just sat in silence as everything played out , she couldn't bring herself to say anything, she was tired of everything and didn't have the energy. Plus her opinion and how she felt wouldn't matter , it was a man's world.

Uncle Mzwakhe : Siyavuma it will bad on your side for your daughter kodwa njengabo Zulu we are willing to offer two cows to the family for ukgeza ikhaya .

Mam' Ntuli : my daughter is not worth two cows ! We demand lobola cows on top of that and damages as well !

Uncle Sipho : ey mfazi , iyndaba zama doda lezi! What are women even doing in this room ?

Bab'Ntuli: kahle Zulu ngodlame , ak'dlalelwa kumkami ke azivisisane lapho . Sewuyaphambuka manje

Uncle Mzwakhe : Ayidle iyshiyele Sompisi , mxolele ubafo lah . MaNtuli bengxoxisana naba kithi nobhuti omdala wala ekhaya and we had an idea how about we pay damages and lobola once the baby is born to make sure ingane eyethu

Bab'Ntuli: akuna nkinga kodwa we have one condition

An uncle from the Ntuli side : We leaving Amanda in this house , Mnqobi has to take care of her going forward. Then we'll resume once the child is born

The Zulu family members looked at each other and they nodded except for Mnqobi and Ndalo . Mnqobi was furious , he was against everything that was happening and having Amanda in his house was definitely going to drive him up the wall . He couldn't wait for the birth of this child to prove that he wasn't the father . How could he be the father ?? He glanced over at Ndalo and he couldn't read her face , she had a blank expression. It's like she didn't feel anything anymore , she was numb . She must have felt his eyes piercing at her as she looked at him and her eyes had so much hurt . They held so much pain . Her cheeks were so cracked and her lips were dry . All her features held a piece of pain with them . Her nails had a bit of dirt , this was unlike her , Ndalo always took her of herself. Mnqobi moved his eyes away from her as the two families came to an agreement. Amanda was staying with them for the next two months .

                                       ****

We wave everyone goodbye as the cars leave our driveway. I walk back in the house leaving Mnqobi and Amanda outside . I honestly have no energy whatsoever. I go up to my room and i lay down my body on the bed . I just want to feel numb . The house is empty , it's just us three left now . After the elders left , Alwande , Lethabo and Nomzamo also left . Alwande had to go back to the kids , Lethabo has exams coming up and Nomzamo has to help her mom with her sick father . I was left on my own , i had to be a woman and take charge of my home. I reached for my phone and dialled my mom's number. She answered on the third ring and all i did was cry , I couldn't say anything. I just cried and she let me sob without saying anything. When i calmed down , she sang me a song she used to sing for us as kids and I drifted off in sleep .

I open my eyes and it's dark , i check the time . It's past eight in the evening . My mother's singing really did a good number on me . My stomach grumbles as i put my slippers on. I turn on the lights and go to the bathroom to wash my face , my eyes hurt so much. They are swollen and have heavy eye bags . Just great. I rinse my face and make my way downstairs afterwards. As i get closer to the living room , i can hear the TV sound system , whoever it is is watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians . My eyes immediately fall on Amanda who has her feet up on my coffee table and brushing her baby bump . I just pass her without saying anything. She can have her feet up on everything in this house and I honestly wouldn't care , i mean she has had her legs up on my husband's shoulders and that's a sight that can never be undone. I find Mnqobi in the kitchen making a cup of coffee and I proceed to make myself a sandwich. I can feel his eyes on me as i move around . He stands and says nothing the entire time . I grab my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and make my way back to my room . After a few minutes there's a soft knock . I stand up to go open and it's him . I just look at him and go back to bed . He walks in and closes the door behind him . He sits in the edge of the bed and I continue with my food whilst browsing through my phone .

Mnqobi : You know when we first started out i made a vow to myself  , i told myself i would never ever do anything that would hurt you or make you cry . I told myself that i would be nothing like my father , i would stick to my wife and i would never ever let a moment of weakness have power over me...

I don't say anything, i just stare at my phone .

Mnqobi : I haven't been kind to you . After the loss of our child i became selfish, i was only thinking of myself in everything that i would do . Not even once did i even consider your feelings . If you never forgive me and if you want to leave me I'll understand.

Mnqobi : please say something.
 
Me : what do you want me to say Mnqobi ?

Mnqobi : anything please MaZulu please

Me : Let's talk about the night you cheated. You said you won't be home because you were out  for work. You always do and that's why I believed. But I didn't sleep well thinking that maybe there was another well-constructed alibi you grew used to doing. I wonder how thrilled you were that night - to touch another girl not just any girl at that Mnqobi , your ex , when it was me you're kissing in the morning before you left. I wonder if you thought about me or what I will feel. Did you do it because you just want to taste her or you did it because you're truly attracted to her? When you traced  her skin with your tongue, when you held  her in grip, when it was  just you and her alone in the room -did that moment make you feel satisfied? Did it bring answers to your curiosities?  Did it heal the wound that you had over Nkanyezi? Was it the day you realized that i was not enough for you and  she was your ecstasy that you ended up leaving your seed in her ? You know today I realised that I dedicated the best years of my life clinging to someone who wasted it with no hesitation whatsoever , and I should never permit my pain to take up more inches of me. Loving you changed me. It did. But the way you cheated made me realized that maybe loving you is not enough to forgive you. And yes I'm not perfect, i kissed some other guy and because i vowed to never hurt you in any way i told you about it . My consciousness wouldn't let me keep it a secret coz i loved you that much , I didn't want any secrets between us meanwhile you were fucking your ex on the side and probably other women and throwing your fucking morning pills on our bedroom floor . OUR marital space Mnqobi .

He doesn't say anything , and I can feel tears burning my eyes now . I stop them with everything in me . I can't afford to cry right now .

Me : You said you want to talk , let's talk phela .

He doesn't say anything. I put the plate i was using on the side table and lay in a foetal position facing the other direction.

Me: Close the door on your way out .

The door closes and i close my eyes as i drift off.