I'll Stay

Ch. 1

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that

-Martin Luther King Jr.

I unpacked my last box. I'm finally settled in my new apartment in nyc. Everything happened so fast. Life is so unfair. Why do I get to wake up everyday and live a life I dont want, while the one person who had his whole life ahead of him ready to accomplish so much doesn't.Why couldn't it be me.

Well it already happened, I can't do anything about it. I have to live, i have to live for him. I'll make him proud and I'll pursue our dream together, and I'll make sure my art gets out to the world.

This is going to be my last year of high school, after my senior year I'm going to apply to Yale since they have an amazing art program, but an acceptance rate of 10 percent. Gives me another reason why I should maintain my good grades.

Well tomorrow is my first day of my new high school "James Miller High School", it offers more than someone of these other schools and it's close to where I live so that's a perk.

I was able to pay for my 2 bedroom apartment because of my dads will. We were pretty blessed when it came to money so I was left well off after their death therefore I don't plan on getting a job until after I finish high school so nothing ruins my focus on my academics. My apartment is pretty good actually. Each bedroom has it's own bathroom, and a guest bathroom, a kitchen with an island, nice living room with a balcony, and a mini pantry, Ok never mind its pretty damn good apartment for the price payed, but let's not get into how much I payed. Other perk is that it's only 15 minutes away from the school.

I look at the time at it read '10:47', I spent a lot of time unpacking mainly because I didnt have anyone to help me, but that's fine. I have to get use to actually being alone now. I dont even know why I got a 2 bedroom apartment. Maybe I'll get a pet and I'll give it that room. Nah that's too extra, plus I dont think I can give it the love and affection it needs. I'll figure out what to do with the spare room.

I make sure I locked the main door before heading into my room and also locking that door, it's a force habit. I get on my bed, lay on my back and stare at the ceiling. I start to think about random shit, until I start to think about this particular thing. No one actually know how you feel. So why do people say that. Is it a sign of pity or what. Yes, maybe you've felt something similar, but do you actually know how I feel at the moment, or are you just saying it to make me feel better. So are you trying to tell me that you know how it feels to lose your own mother to cancer at age 9 and do nothing about it and just watch her suffer for 5 years and then watch her take her last breath on her death bed and of course you know what it feels like to have your father be diagnosed with heart disease and have a heart attack in his sleep therefore you couldn't possibly help since you slept in different rooms, and wake up the next day, go in his room just find out that he isnt going to wake up. You experience that at age 17 and have no one to run to and spill your emotions out to, have no other family members who care for you and also have no siblings to mourn with. You know how that feels right?

After that deep thought I had within myself. It took a while but I fell into a deep sleep.

~•~

"Why didnt you come check up on me at night Novah, because of YOU I'm dead, WHY DO U GET LIVE AND I HAVE TO DIE. YOUR WORTHLESS AND YOU'LL NEVER BECOME ANYTHING IN LIFE-" I wake up instantly gasping for air. Fuck. I forgot to take my pills. They help my with my nightmares. I got them prescribe to be when I was diagnosed with ptsd. I didnt take them for about 2 months until my nightmares started getting worse and worse and ever since I always try my best to take them. I guess today I was too tired and forgot.