Ever since I talked to Zeenaru my heart has been pacing rapidly. I clutched on to my chest, pressing on it to find relief. Did I do the right thing? Had I been foolish? Why was this tragedy my life? Oh, I cried! The hardest I had ever cried. I was at my weakest and I knew that this time... this was it. I checked the time and, oh my, it seemed like it was moving faster than ever. Slow down. Why the hurry?
"You can take down my pictures," I finally said to Idris.
"This was your idea not mine."
"Can we not have this conversation," I said softly with tears.
"Those were my words when you brought it up the first time."
"Well, now I do not want to discuss it. It's killing me."
I laughed at the irony. I stopped fidgeting with the promise bracelet Idris had given me when we were university sweethearts. I looked at it with the deepest hurt. I did not recognize my own voice when I wailed with anger. I ripped it off my wrist and threw it on the floor. Through my teary-blurred view, I saw Idris kneel down and pick it up. He was angry too, but he controlled himself. He stood there heaving, until he held the bracelet to his chest.
"Are you trying to make me hate you so that I will not miss you?" he finally asked with a voice choking to cry. "Not working."
"You will move on without me. Be happy and continue your life...as if I did not exist."
"I can never move on without you."
"You seem to have already."
I could tell he was choosing his words wisely. He paced back and forth, nodding his head, still holding our promise bracelet.
"You were right," he said.
"About what?"
"That I would need someone to help me get through this."
"I didn't expect it to happen so fast," I sniffed. "And right in front of me. Apparently, I'm replaceable. It would have taken me never to ever think of another man after you."
"I was doing what you asked of me. You made me promise."
"You promised to love only me," I wailed. "What's breaking one more promise? What you feel for her is no longer an arrangement. It's not my arrangement."
My darling Idris lowered himself on the settee. When he had nothing to say, I continued, "I thought seeing you alone would kill me, but seeing you with another woman tortures me."
"Laminde..."
"Please, the children," I interrupted but could not continue. I wept at the thought that they would be with her, holding her, seeing her. They would spend more time with her than they ever would with me. Maybe even call her 'Mama'. I was not only going to share my husband, but my children too. I would not see my children grow. I would miss their milestones. Would they feel loved or ignored? Would they need me? Or not?
"The children are with Hajiya," said Idris in a robot-like manner. "Our children, the epitome of our love. True love."
"One true love? Or two true love?" I tried to chuckle.
I could tell he was holding back rage. The vein on his forehead was throbbing and I could see his eyes turning red.
"What time is it?" I asked. "I think it's time. I'm ready to leave, dear."
