The Space in Between

Chapter 18

Are you kidding me? What was that? Don't you dare give him the power over you again. After what he did. Get back to your senses. I hear this preach inside my head as I walk from aisle to aisle. The encounter has made me distracted; I couldn't remember what I needed to buy.

After almost an hour, I was able to get everything I needed, I think.

I was about to leave the supermarket and I saw Ethan standing by the door.

He waved and smiled at me, "Please don't feel I'm following you around. I've been meaning to ask you earlier if we can have a coffee."

I wanted to be sarcastic but I stopped myself. "Why?" I asked.

"I want to talk." He sounded serious.

"What about?" I'm still clueless where this will lead.

He looked me in the eye and said, "Us."

Now, I'm confused. "But there's no longer us." I told him with my brows arched.

"That's what I wanted to talk about, what happened to us?" He's not backing down.

I declined and said, "You don't have to do this. I'm already good so there's no need to talk".

"Please, Liv. We both know we need this." He pleaded.

I breathed deeply before saying, "Okay, better to do it now than never."

We walked towards Mr. Charles' coffee shop. He got himself his favorite drink, coffee with vanilla beans flavor infused with tequila. I just ordered macchiato, my usual in this shop.

He started talking, "I know you have tons of questions or maybe things you want to say, this is your chance."

Wow! This guy has the guts to tell it to my face now. I tried to compose myself. "What made you think that I still have those in my head? Do you really think I haven't moved on?

"That's not what I meant. I know what I did has caused you a lot of pain, and I didn't mean it. That's why I'm here to talk." He said in his defense.

"Why didn't you include that maybe it's my chance to hit you in the face? I wanted to do that millions of times." I looked straight in his eyes to make him feel I'm serious. I saw the movement of his throat. I smiled. "Of course, I'm not going to do that. I'm not like that, you know it."

"I know you won't but maybe what happened changed you." He said.

I looked outside the window and answered, "It did. It changed me a lot."

He was silent. I knew it's my signal to talk so I did, "The pain was too much, it's as if your chest is being ripped off slowly and your heart is taken out to be crushed in front of your eyes. You knew I was going through something and everything seems to happen all at the same time. I needed you, I needed someone to hold onto. But you decided to leave."

He's listening intently. I wasn't sure if he could feel what I was feeling.

"Did I scare you because my mood changes?" I asked.

"I just felt I no longer know you anymore." He finally spoke.

"I was so lost. I deal with it every single time and I'm scared too because I'm not sure if someone can understand. I only wanted to be with someone who will walk alongside me through it. I needed to hear from you that everything's going to be okay, and that you won't leave." I paused. "But it didn't happen." I tried to hold the tears that were already building up. I wanted to show him that I'm stronger now.

He didn't respond right away. I was about to continue when he said, "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I got interested in knowing you because you're full of life, you have so much positivity, and always find a way to have fun. That's what I needed. I don't want to deal with problems because I already have so much of that back home."

I already knew that, and I accepted him with all his flaws. "You knew that I was aware of that and I never left you when you were struggling. I expected you'd do the same when the table turned."

"I thought I could do that. But I was so broken to be your support." He confessed.

"That's what I thought. Ethan, in my attempt to fix you, I didn't notice I'm already destroying myself." My eyes are now clouded with tears.

Once again, the surrounding turned hazy.

And I'm back where I was, standing on the edge of the street. He's still there too, standing on the other side of the street.

The signal changed.

I started to walk, he started to walk too but towards the direction away from me.