The Space in Between

Chapter 16

After spending most of my time in the hospital, I felt I got a new pair of eyes looking at my room. Somehow, I gained enough energy to finally organize some stuff and rearrange my room. Maybe, just maybe, it'll help me have a better mood.

I started with the box closest to me. I opened it. Ah, it was all my stuff from work. Geez, it's almost a year since I lost my job and I have never taken these things out since then.

I carefully took out the things one by one as if I was holding precious antique items.

Employee of the year award. Suddenly, it took me back to the day it was awarded to me. I worked hard and gave my all that year but I wasn't after the award, I was really enjoying doing what I do. Everyone was celebrating with me. Full of laughter, food, and drinks. It was indeed a great night.

My company ID. My gosh, I looked so young in this photo, and I was also full of life. When I was starting out, I was a naïve and timid lady but the team and the environment helped me to develop a lot.

Then, I was holding my notepad. I started browsing it. Mostly to-do lists, I love writing the things I need to do the next day, that's how organized I was.

As I browse the pages of my notepad, I suddenly remember the screams of my boss. She replaced my previous manager when he decided to move to a different city. No day had passed without her shouting. She gets easily frustrated and I started to get fidgety even if I wasn't the one she's screaming at.

I found myself sitting in the conference room with my colleagues. This place is so familiar, I used to present here all the time. I remember the confident lady I once was whenever I speak in front. But this time, everyone was quiet, it has been like this when the new boss came in. Our ideas were also shut down. It felt like I was working in a place where I feel invisible, oftentimes, they forget about me. I wanted to speak up in meetings but for some reason, a lump formed in my throat and I couldn't make any sound.

I was feeling the same thing again. My chest became heavy and my head was throbbing.

I came back to my senses, closed my notepad and put all the items back in the box.

I slid the box where I found it then a tin can of old cookies rolled towards me. I opened it and saw photos. I smiled.

I took the photos out and looked at them one by one, these were the photos I pinned on my desk in the office.

This one was taken by the lake; I had a successful face while holding the fish I caught. The next one was taken while I was in Europe. I remember that solo trip, both nerve-wracking and exhilarating. My smile widens. I kept browsing the photos then one slipped off my hand.

I picked it up and turned it. That smile. The smile of a happy and in-love woman. I couldn't recognize her; I couldn't recognize myself in her. She's full of spirit; so much life. Standing next to me was Ethan. This photo was taken only a year and a half ago but it felt like a decade has passed. My chest started to pound and tears were building up. I think I need to shake this off.

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You are STILL here

I can still remember your face
I can still remember the way you look at me
I can still remember the sound of your laughter
It lingers in my ears, on and on

You are still here with me
I can still feel your presence
But only in my mind
Then tears flood my cheeks.

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