A Better Boyfriend (GirlxGirl)

Thirty-six- Destiny

I was blabbing like an idiot, but Scarlet really didn't seem to care, which was a relief. Truthfully, I felt as though I could talk to her about most things, but there was also a lot I felt as though I had to keep hidden. And I was worried. I was worried because I still felt things for her that I should never have allowed myself to feel. She was the straight girl. The off-limits girl. I needed to stop.

The way she sometimes looked at me when we were alone, though, made me want to throw the whole concept of 'stopping' out the window completely.

"I'm so fuckin' frustrated with myself," I said, once Scarlet and I had returned to my bedroom. I was frustrated with myself for multiple reasons, too, but I didn't even know where to begin in explaining that to Scarlet.

"It's not your fault," she replied.

It kind of was.

We both knew it.

Scarlet just wanted to lift my spirits and I appreciated that dearly, but even I didn't know how to lift my spirits right now.

Apart from with spirits, of course, or cigarettes...

God, I really needed to find myself some healthier coping mechanisms.

"I've always been the kind of person that's like I don't need anyone. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I do need people," I blurted.

I was rambling at this point, but Scarlet listened to my every word, as though I was the most interesting person in the world.

I wanted to be the most interesting person in her world.

I needed to stop.

I just couldn't.

That was the thing about feelings- about liking someone. There wasn't really an 'off' switch.

Scarlet took a step closer to me and tucked a section of stray hairs behind my ear.

Okay. This was fine. I wasn't about to die on the spot right now. I was okay. I could cope with this. We were best friends. We would always be best friends.

Her perfume was absolutely intoxicating.

Scarlet leant in towards me.

I bit my lip.

"You have me. You will always have me," she vowed. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Better," I said.

Turned on.

I needed to kick that stupid part of my brain that decided it wanted to have sex every once in a while. I had been single for years. Now was not the time for my hormones to start acting all crazy.

I shook my head.

"You...you have a habit of distracting me from everything that bothers me," I confessed.

"Is that a good thing?" she replied.

"It's an awesome thing," I told her, reaching out to play with the collar of her t-shirt.

Scarlet's gaze dropped to my chest for a moment.

I was wearing a low-cut top. My cleavage was on full display.

She swallowed and quickly looked back up; her cheeks now flooded with colour.

Alright, now no straight girl would react like that, would they?

I needed to accept that Scarlet was who she was. I couldn't hope on a star that she would wake up one day and suddenly be in love with me. I needed to stop. Stop.

"I'm an idiot," I said.

"You're not," she said.

I moved closer to her.

"Then why the fuck did I think it was a good idea to-" I was going to say too much.

I think we were both on edge, our breaths had both sped up by this point.

"To?" Scarlet asked, waiting for me to continue.

I didn't say anything for several moments, so she prompted me again.

"Destiny?" she asked.

I sat down and crossed my legs. I was hot. Hotter than a demon in hell.

That would probably be just where I would be going after all of this.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"It's fine," I said.

It wasn't fine.

Scarlet knew girl code. She knew 'it's fine' meant 'it's totally fucked', but she didn't say anything about it.

I held up my hand and she pressed her palm against it.

"I got you," she said.

"I got you too," I promised.

Scarlet sat down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder.

We sat there for a few minutes, and I was distinctly aware of how fast my heart was beating inside my chest, but I couldn't stop it.

I liked her. I really liked her. Perhaps I was just tempting fate...

I turned to her, and she winked at me.

She fucking winked at me.

Was she trying to send me into cardiac arrest?

"We've got each other," she said.

"I have my beautiful best friend. I can do anything," I said.

Well, anything as long as it didn't involve me confessing my feelings for her, it seemed.

"Anything, huh?" Scarlet asked with a teasing tone of voice.

Was she flirting with me?

Honestly, I wasn't even sure anymore.

I was confused and exhausted.

Nevertheless, Scarlet was making everything better.

She had a habit of doing that.

Scarlet reached out her hand and I took it. She gave it a gentle squeeze.

I squeezed it back.

In that moment, with her beside me, I felt as though I really could do anything.

Well, anything that didn't involve me completely destroying our friendship, that was.

I had a feeling I couldn't ruin our friendship, though.

I had a feeling that even if I admitted my true feelings to Scarlet, she would stay.

I could only hope as much, anyway.

The corners of Scarlet's mouth turned up. She seemed content to just sit here with me.

I felt the edge of my mouth quirk upwards at that thought.

It was calm. Peaceful. We were okay.

In all honesty, a smile tugged at my lips whenever Scarlet was around. It was just the effect she had on me.