THE8 | Junhao | *EDITING*

FORTY - TWO

| CHAPTER FORTY - TWO |

| one month later |

Minghao screams, the knife slicing the skin of his palm from his tight grip. He's crying, really hard actually, it ran as fast as the blood that poured from his hand, but it wasn't because of the pain though, it was a build up of things.

He sighed shakily at the feeling of the tip of the metal close to puncturing his throat, threatening to press it harder, to guard it closer to slice open his skin, to crave out his soul.

"T-The8–" Seokmin and Vernon were in front of him, begging him to drop the weapon. Seokmin's voice wavered, "C-Calm down. Just drop the knife, yeah? Just put it down..."

Minghao sobs, "E-Everything's my fault," He sniffles, eyes bloodshot and red rimmed from crying so much, "Every single fucking bad thing that has happened in this shitty life of mine was because of me."

"No it wasn't!" Vernon shouts, looking equally as terrified. His eyes only flickering back and forth between the knife grazing Minghao's neck, and the boy himself, "Please just put the knife down! Let's just talk about this, again!"

To be frank, Minghao understands where his friends were coming from. This isn't the first time he's tried actually. He'd done it maybe four times over the span of a month.

He just wanted the pain to go away.

"He's gone," Minghao sobs, shaking as he backs up against the wall, Vernon and Seokmin watching every move he makes, worried faces, "He's gone and it's all my fucking fault." He slides down the wallpaper, crying with squinted eyes.

"Don't do that." Seokmin frowns, both Vernon and himself falling to their knees, leveling with him, "He saved you..... He saved you, The8."

Minghao sniffles.

"If you slice your own throat today, Jeonghan hyung's death would've been for nothing." Minghao hates this. He hates how his friends are right. He hates how it's really not his fault at all. He hates how the guilt of leaving Jeonghan's body in that dirty parking lot eats him up.

He hates hating everything.

"He saved you." Seokmin reminds him with a reassuring nod, holding out a hand. He goes slow, watching Minghao's expression carefully.

Minghao sniffles, lip wobbling. He finds himself lowering the knife soon enough, shaky hands placing it in Seokmin's palm. He watches the boy sigh in relief, pulling back the weapon. He tells Vernon to put it away.

"Let me see." Seokmin frowns, gesturing towards Minghao's hand.

Minghao hesitates, folding his lips together. But soon, he puts his hand in Seokmin, watching the man examine his wound. Minghao's too numb to feel the pain, he thinks he should though. He deserves to feel like shit.

"It's not your fault." Seokmin seems to catch onto Minghao's expression, lips turned down into a sympathetic pout, "Don't beat yourself up over this, The8." His friend sighs, "He got you out, he saved your life. So hold onto the last gift he gave you, yeah?"

Minghao takes his bottom lip between his teeth, now, silent tears rolling down his face. He sniffles, using the back of his free hand's sleeve to wipe the glistened skin under his eyes.

"It's hard, Seokmin." Minghao breathes shakily, chin quivering, "I-It's so fucking hard." He wants to just cut off his head, he wants to swallow poison whole, he wants to feel a knife carve his wrist.... He wants to do anything to get rid of the guilt eating him from the inside out.

"I know, I know." Seokmin nods, "That's why we're here, okay? Vernon and I.... We're here for you, and we always will be." He promises, "We will always be here."

"I could get you killed too." Minghao chuckles, sniffing, "Anyone that knows me seems to die within the span of a few years, you two should be next, I'd assume."

"Hey, don't say that," Vernon's back now, the knife gone. He squats down, looking Minghao in the eye, "You're one of the best things that's ever happened to Pledis, The8. We all love you so much down here." He swears, "Everyone makes mistakes—" He thinks about Minghao's one downfall. The drug raid, "But we grow to learn from them. You're strong, I know you are, you can get through anything. And like Seokmin said, we're even here for help, if you need us."

Minghao looks at his friends, sucking a breath, "I just feel like I don't deserve any kindness right now," He wipes at his eyes again, Seokmin still looking at his wound. He was practically one of the medics here, "My unit will never talk to me again... That entire station won't."

"That's why you're never going back." Minghao freezes.

It was Seungcheol.

The man's arms were crossed behind his back, and he walked inside Minghao's room with a serious look, "You ran away with a person they didn't recognize, and you assaulted a police officer... Your colleague, if I may."

Seokmin sighs, "Sir—"

"If Jeonghan didn't make it clear, already.... I'm officially calling off your mission, The8." Minghao cant even fight back. He just looks down, closing his eyes, "Even right now, you're a threat. You're putting your own life in danger," Seungcheol shakes his head, "And I can't have one of my own do that."

Minghao just looks down, defeated.

"You two, take care of his wound." Seungcheol orders, Seokmin and Vernon nodding in understanding. Then he's out of the room before Minghao can even take a breath.

"C'mon, up you go." Seokmin takes one of Minghao's arms, Vernon's slipping around the other, and he's helped to stand.

They're soon in Seokmin's room, and it didn't even look like a room as Minghao's eyes freely traveled. He'd never been inside here. There was so much medical supplies, it almost looked like the hospital room Minghao woke up in a straight month ago.

"Alright, jump up." Seokmin slaps the counter, Minghao hops onto it.

"Vernon, can you get me the gauze?"

"Sure."

He watches Seokmin pull out the supplies he needs, mind wandering off.

Minghao thinks about his life, and how little it meant to him. He thinks about Jeonghan, and how much he meant to him. He thinks about Jun, and how much he liked him, his entire unit, honestly.

"There, all done." Minghao didn't realize the time went by that fast. He lowers his head, looking down at the white bandage around his hand, medical tape the border as it holds everything in place.

"Thank you." Minghao's face was puffy from all the crying, and he felt a bit ugly at the moment.

"You're sleeping in here tonight." Seokmin pouts, "No objections."

Minghao looks up with a sigh, cracking a smile.

And then— "I need some help," Both of them turn their heads, eyes landing on Vernon, and immediate laughter erupts through the room.

The man had medical tape stuck on his hairline, and Minghao giggles as he watches Seokmin slap his head in annoyance.

He sighs, smiling, something he hasn't done in an entire month.