I was used to being alone.
I was always the girl surrounded by people, yet still utterly alone.
It was comforting. I had grown immune to the feeling of being by myself.
But then, I met him.
And despite the voices in my head screaming at me to not l...
I have been looking forward to this day since day one of freshman year. The day I am released from the confines of being a student and have to deal with the world as an official adult-whatever that entails.
Ever since I was a little girl, I always knew that I wanted to work somewhere in the fashion industry, I have always loved sewing pieces for myself, as well as all for my stuffed animals; they were my only friends, but they were nice for me to dress up. I'm even wearing a dress today that I made one night I was bored and found different fabrics laying around my apartment, it's simple, with white on the top, and the skirt is black, but my favorite part is the cutouts on the sides underneath the chest that I managed to cover with a sheer material I might have stolen from McComb. It's not your typical graduation dress, but I wanted to be the one who made what I wore today, a sort of memento of the importance of today.
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Since my parents took it upon themselves to apply me to the University of Southern California, and not a Fashion School like I had dreamt about forever, I had to pick a major that the school actually offered. So now here I am, 21 years old, and an official college graduate with a degree in psychology. You see, I am a very curious person, it kind of goes with the whole overthinking which leads to my anxiety. I am always looking around, thinking, and observing, and when something unfamiliar comes up, I grasp onto the unknown until I figure out the problem, or know the answer. It's kind of like when I hear people talk about me, it alerts my brain that something was done that involves me, but I don't know what. I always need to know. When picking my major, I was obviously distraught over the fact that I couldn't choose to do what I actually wanted in life, but there was one thing I didn't understand, one thing I could never grasp onto and figure out—my own thoughts.
My first year here was also the year I began going to see Christy. She helped me realize that the brain is the most complex thing in the universe; and that nobody can quite figure out their own thoughts. I realized at that moment, that I'm not the only one that suffers from my own brain, and it helped me feel not so alone. It taught me to admit that I was struggling. With this new revelation, I wanted to learn everything I could about my brain.
Now here I am, four years later, and I still don't know everything; I am still trying to find answers to the thoughts in my head.
But that's the thing about graduation, I'm no longer forced into learning about something that I won't ever be able to grasp the concept of, something I chose because I wasn't able to make my dreams of being in the fashion industry true. I don't regret any part of learning what I did these past four years, I actually am quite grateful to now know what I do. But I get to make my dreams come true now, I get to do what I actually want. Becoming an intern at McComb in and of itself was a miracle. If I hadn't met Emma, I would never have had this opportunity, and if I hadn't been shipped off to the University of Southern California, I wouldn't have met Emma. Who would've thought that being forced away to California would be the biggest blessing in disguise.
