Beige

Chapter Twenty-Two

Alexis Monpettit

One week later.

"I haven't seen you in a while," Christy sits down in her chair across from the loveseat I'm currently sitting on.

My shoulders shrug, "it's been two weeks, Christy." I shake my head at her nonsense for calling me out.

"Two weeks and not even a phone call, Lexi. I was starting to become worried until Chris called me." She opens her notebook to an open page, I watch as she presses her pen to the paper, marking today's date at the top corner. July 9th, 2019.

One month until the Trial.

My lips roll into my mouth at the mention of Chris calling her, as I turn my head to avoid eye contact.

For the past week, I've been a soul-less body, barely making it through each day. I've been staying at Harry's house under his orders. After the night he sang my poem, I asked him to bring me home which he did. But the next day when he realized I had passed out on my couch on the patio, from smoking too many joints, he drug me right back to his house. I haven't stopped smoking, but he forces me to eat at least one meal a day- it's more than I could ever do for myself.

Each day since has been a repeating cycle of celebrating the fact that I'm still breathing by the time the sun sets.

Harry wouldn't let me out of his sight once he realized the state I was in. He didn't leave the house for the first two days, but then he kept getting calls that he was needed in the studio and couldn't put off any more time if he wants the album to come out on time. So, every time he has had to leave the house, he asks Emma to come over.

Emma and I don't talk when she comes over. She normally meets me outside, we share a joint, and then watch the ocean in Harry's backyard until he comes home. We've spent a lot of sunsets in silence, the vibrant mixes of orange and red screaming across the sky as though they are mimicking the emotions inside of me. 

I've spoken to Harry a total of four times. The first time is when I told him "No" when he asked if I was hungry for the 100th time. The second time was when I said "Go" when Kid was obviously begging him to go to the studio. The third time I defended myself and told him "I don't need Emma," when he called her to come over so he could go to the studio. And the fourth time I told him I needed to come to Christy's today.

He's been patient, and kind. Something that's foreign to me outside of Emma and Chris.

And it's only made me feel worse.

"Lexi, are you ready to talk?" Christy waves her wand, catching my attention as I focus back on reality.

A sigh leaves my lips as I fall back into the couch, "what is there to talk about?" I'm avoiding the situation, something I've become very good at.

Christy shrugs her shoulders, "maybe we should start with the millions of gremlins I know are running around your brain trying to convince you that somehow everything is your fault."

My head shakes as I kick off my shoes and crisscross my legs on the couch, I chose to dress comfy today in a simple tank top and shorts knowing I would only be seeing Christy and Harry today. "I hate that you know me so well sometimes."

"Lexi, anyone who knows you, knows that."

"That doesn't make me feel great." I squint my eyes toward her, trying to see what her motive is to get me to open up.

"Well, what else are you feeling?"

The million-dollar question.

"I"m feeling everything, and yet nothing at all."