Not to be found

Chapter 2 - The morning of the day I disappear

I awake; my head pounding and my vision hazy, just like a hangover. Making me feel the need to go downstairs to boil a kettle ready for a cup of black coffee, pop open a packet of paracetamol and burn some toast to get rid of the swirling feeling in my stomach.

I sit upright in my bed, tilting my head forwards so that it sits in my hands so that I can hold it, so that it no longer feels heavy. I rub my eyes hoping that my vision will clear, but it doesn't. Instead I slowly make my way into the bathroom and take the hottest shower ever, the heat is heavenly; forming goose bumps all across my skin, the water being so hot it actually feels cold.

But after my attempt to shake this weird state that I'm in, I find myself back to square one as I go into the wardrobe to pull out some clothes. As I trawl through the rail of endless t-shirts the aching in my head intensifies and my legs buckle from beneath me, causing me to be reduced to a heap on the floor once again cradling my head in my hands. What is this? I was fine yesterday, what's changed?

As I rub my index fingers across my temples in an attempt to soothe them, I somehow manage to pull myself together enough to get back up onto two feet. I stand up and slowly pull a t-shirt over my head followed by a hoodie with my universities logo on, along with a pair of jeans and converse. I've never been one to dress over the top when it came to going to any form of class or meeting. Unlike Monica, who dresses up at every occasion possible, even when they're only everyday normal things. I've never seen the point.

In my haze I stumble out of the wardrobe and back into my room, picking up all my books and pencil case stuffing them into my satchel untidily. I then drag myself down the many steps until I reach the bottom where I accidently bump straight into my dad.

"Sorry," I mumble.

"Don't worry about it darling, its just an accident." he smiles at me as he motions towards the kitchen making sure that I eat before I drive off to Uni.

Mum's also in the kitchen, wearing her formal suit and eating a bowl of cereal with strawberries. She pulls the stool out that is next to her and pulls me by the arm to sit down making my satchel fall half the way down my arm and my head ache to worsen. I try to ignore the pain and put on a smile for them both, knowing that I have a stash of paracetamol in my bag making it a little easier to fake it.

Dad brings me a glass of milk and some toast. Unfortunately it wasn't burnt like I had hoped it would be, but I suppose its better than nothing. I slowly eat and then drink the milk before saying goodbye to my parents who are preparing for their long day of work ahead.

I walk out the front door and down the driveway where I unlock my car, inside I dig out the paracetamol and take the two pills immediately with some water from my bottle. I sit there in the drivers seat for a moment starring at the bundle of text books stuffed into my satchel.

What am I doing? I ask myself as I'm sitting there. Who am I kidding, I've always wanted to do more than this, when I was in my final year of secondary school I didn't see myself going to university, it was only because of my parents that I decided to go. I wanted to make them proud, to make them see that I wanted something. But I don't want to carry on with academics. Yes I've got good grades and yes I'm half the way through my courses, but I'm done. So done. I've never told this to anyone before, I've always been known as the girl that succeeds in everything that she does, but for the first time in my life I want to prove those people wrong. I just want to give up and leave.

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I reach the cross roads; one road leads to university and the other the motorway, the place where I can make a break for it.