Not to be found

Chapter 20 - Clean

We walk through the surrounding forest, searching for a quiet place for me to talk. I can't deal with being in that house at the moment, it's just too much.

I'm anxious and I can feel my dinner rising up into my throat, I can't believe I got myself into this mess. If I had just told the truth in the first place everything might have been okay, but no I had to do it the hard way!

I try to draw my attention away from my racing thoughts and to the beautiful forest that surrounds me; it looks like a movie scene, although I don't think what is about to happen will be something fit for a movie.

I push my hands further down in the pockets of my coat and swallow the bile that was rising up in my throat. How the hell do I tell him that I'm a liar with a fake identity?
I can't breath. My vision begins to blur and black dots appear, I stumble reaching out for the nearest tree to hold onto and keep me stable.

"What is going on with you?" Noah asks as he comes up behind me placing a hand on my waist and the top of my arm, guiding me away from the tree and to a nearby fence with a stile leading into a cow field.
I grip onto the fence like my life depends on it, I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I release it setting free some of the pressure that is sitting on my chest.

I turn around so that I am facing him, my body still leaning on the fence, a look of confusion is plastered over his face waiting for my answer to his question.

I breathe in, "I don't know, I mean I do know but I can't tell you," I sigh looking down at the ground, my voice barely audible.

"Why?" He asks walking towards me so that we're closer, "you can tell me anything."

"No, not this," I whisper, a tear sliding down my cheek.

He takes a step closer, "c'mon you're worrying me Gracie, look at me," he cups my chin, his hand bringing it up so that I'm looking into his eyes.

That's just it; that name 'Gracie' it's not mine. I'm Lacey. Lacey Grey. A liar, I don't deserve to be living here. I don't deserve to be with him. Noah. I don't even deserve any sympathy. It's time to crash, it's time to burn. I'm ready to go up in flames.

"I don't deserve forgiveness, I don't blame you if you hate me after this," my voice cracks as I sob into his hand.

"Forgive you for what? What have you done?" He asks, taking another step closer so that are bodies are now touching.

This is it. This is where I confess; after nearly two weeks of peace and tranquility, the best two weeks of my life are now going to be over. I can't do this anymore. I can't live a lie. I can't be just one big lie.

"I'm a lie Noah," I sob.

"What?" He looks confused as he gazes into my eyes, "what are you talking about?"

"I'm one big lie; you're going to hate mm....m...me kick me out and p...possibly turn me in?" I continue to sob.

He furrows his eye brows and continues to look down at me, "seriously, what are you talking about because you're beginning to worry me."

I inhale, my chest feels so heavy like I've got the weight of the world on it. I begin to get dizzy again as I cling onto the fence to keep me up.
I have to do this, there is no going back.

"I'm not Gracie Smith, Noah," I confess wiping the tears from my cheeks.

He takes a step back from me, concern turned into alarm and fear.
"W...who are you?" He stutters.