our last summer. (e.m)

eight: footprints on the windowsill.

eddie munson and i have been meeting up in the midst of the night this past week now.
to keep ourselves safe in the day from those who find enjoyment in harming us,
the cloak of night has kept our secret.
tonight is no different.
my phone rings and i pick it up on the first chime.
"meet me at the lake."
"i'll be there,"
i whisper into the speaker.
as soon as we hang up,
i slip out of the window and make my way to where my eddie lays.
i've yet to grow accustomed to meeting him.
every time i see him,
my heart accelerates as i'm reminded:
this is eddie munson.
when i find him,
his back is turned to me while he sits on a blanket and stares at the sky.
i come up beside him,
crane my neck to admire the beautiful stars above us,
and whisper,
"did you find the orion belt yet?"
eddie takes his index finger and traces where the constellation lays.
i smile at this.
"look at you. so smart."
his eyes,
bright and absolutely lovely,
fall on me and bring me peace.
"learned it from the best."
"my mom showed me all the constellations."
eddie nods his head in understanding.
"you've barely talked about her this whole time. you two used to be so close, you couldn't stop mouthing off about her...did something happen?"
i pick up a rock and study it while i think.
there pores in this rock are gaping;
i run my fingers over it and feel them scratch at my skin.
"what always happens: i got older."
"what does that mean?"
i place the rock back down and face eddie with a sigh.
"i don't know. i wish i could tell you."
he drapes an arm around my shoulder and brings me into his chest.
it's comfortable and reassuring,
so i mellow out in his embrace.
"what about you?"
eddie looks down at me for a moment then turns his attention back up to the sky.
i'm left to admire the column of his throat and how it resembles a statue made for greek gods.
if he were a god,
i would pray to him every night.
"i moved in with my uncle after my dad was arrested. that was...that was only a few months after you moved. the exiling didn't happen long after it."
he looks back down at me with a sense of sorrow clouding those eyes i've burned into my memory;
those eyes that kept me at bay for ten years.
"i embraced it eventually. figured, you know, if you can't join 'em, beat 'em."
"i don't think that's how that saying goes."
the mood is brightened for a only a fraction of a second when eddie smiles at my words.
"then shit just went wrong...it went so wrong."
i hear his throat tighten at the reminder of it.
i feel the urge to lessen his hurt with my feeble hands.
if i might reach out and take his pains,
smooth it into something unrecognizable,
or maybe even swallow it myself so he'll never be burdened again.
i place a kiss to the soft skin beneath eddie's ear and i listen as he lets out a heavy breath.
he falls placid under the action,
leans his head on top of mine,
and says,
"you know...you're the greatest thing to happen to me."
"greatest thing since dio?"
he laughs and it's the sweetest sound.
"don't push it,"
he teases.
this entire week with eddie has been nothing but blissful.
every night we meet each other someplace different and we talk.
but tonight feels so different.
tonight it feels like we've brought down barriers and are free to revel in our success.
his cheek brushes mine and i shiver.
his lips are so close to mine,
they're practically brushing each other.
i want to lean forward and close the space,
i want to become whole with eddie,
but i wait.
i wait patiently for him.
"green girl?"
he whispers.
"yeah?
"you drive me crazy."
my breathing hitches at the words.
doesn't he know the effect he has on me is the very same?
he makes my blood warm,
he makes my heart pound and my thoughts silent.
who else but eddie munson can do that to me?
he cradles my neck with the palm of his hand;
it fits perfectly there.
like in creation,
we were built to hold each other.
i can feel it now.
my lips hum in anticipation for this angels divine kiss to my undeserving lips.
he's closer and closer,
his minty breath fanning my cheeks and drawing me in closer.
my lips are almost on his.
"at least take me out to dinner first."
eddie pulls away the moment the joke is in the air and he takes my breath away with him.
i'm left speechless and unable to find my footing,
because all i can taste is him.
"tease,"
i joke through my stun,
but i find a sense of truth lingers in the words.
eddie kisses my temple then tells me,
"i can't rush this with you. you mean too much to me."
that is something i can appreciate,
so i lean my head against his shoulder and say,
"then keep your filthy hands off of me."
"and deprive you? that's cruel, garlic clove."
i laugh at his joke while feeling the blood that rushed to my head under eddie's spell begins to settle.
i'm almost glad him and i didn't kiss.
he was right.
rushing this would only mean burning out quicker.
would that be worth the risk?
to lighten up our friendship in return for zealous revelry?
i don't think so.
even if eddie and i were to never speak again,
i think i would always consider him my best friend.
now i understand what my father meant when discussing my mother.
i would attend eddie's wedding if it meant he was happy.
i would give him everything i have to offer if it meant he was content.
isn't that what love is all about?
***
"do you like teaching?"
my father looks up from his dinner plate at my question and takes the bait.
"i do. especially marine bio."
"what got you into that?"
he wipes the corners of his mouth before he answers,
"growing up, i'd always been into aquatic animals. how they lived, how they survived. how they ate, what they ate. it was like an escape from the world into another, one with an entirely different ecosystem and lifestyle."
i've never considered my father to be a passionate man,
but i can see his love for the work he does in the motions of his hands;
how they move when he talks,
the sparkle in his eye,
the look of having found your true place in life.
i can only hope to have that some day.
"teaching it to students as interested as me is always a wonderful experience."
i had never taken up my fathers interest in the sea,
but i might be able to.
if he can teach me like he teaches his students,
i might can find a love in it as well.
"what do you want to do major in?"
he asks me now.
i bring my shoulders up in a shrug.
"i'm undecided."
"you're still planning on are being university of georgia?"
"yeah, yeah. i just haven't found a passion yet."
my father nods in understanding but i wait to hear that tone of judgement,
the way it'd been with my mother:
well...you must have something you enjoy.
well...you're good at something, aren't you?
"that's okay. most students don't find the major they want until sophomore year. sometimes later."
"really?"
my father nods.
"yep. it's common. you're only eighteen. to find something you want to do forever, it's almost impossible. but you'll have plenty of room to grow and think."
had he always been this understanding?
when i think back,
i realize i'd never really confided into my father.
he wasn't a problem solver like my mom.
"yeah...that's actually really helpful,"
i say through shocked laughter.
but i must admit,
i feel a burden has been lifted from my shoulders.
"i have faith in you. whatever you decide will be great."