our last summer. (e.m)

eighteen: dine and dash.

my grandma cared for me in her own roundabout way.
what she couldn't deliver in terms of monetary importance or grand gestures,
she made up for in plaits against my scalp or polish against my nails.
my acclimation to georgia had been rough,
but my grandmother made it easier by letting me sit silently beside her while her soap operas played on the tv.
she bought me my first bra,
coached me through mothers natures visits,
dressed me up for prom.
though my mom had been there for these events,
they were reserved for someone with a more maternal touch;
something she seemed to have forgotten to pack in our move.
my grandma was a big hugger, though.
there was no greater feeling than being pulled into her embrace,
arms tight and loving around my firm being.
it healed almost everything right.
"i think that's what i miss most,"
i tell eddie now as i reach across the table to steal a piece of food from his plate.
he gives me a pointed look but betrays it by the smile on his lips.
we're in the middle of a diner in the early morning light,
where the only company here are people who's night bled into the day.
"so...she just changed when you moved?"
eddie inquires,
referring to my mother and her pendulum swing from great mother to neglectful abandoner.
"i think she'd had enough of playing house. once the thrill of having her affair died out, or...she got caught, i guess. she, uh, had more fun dating around than caring for me."
i bring my attention out of the window and watch the sky turn pink at the suns coming to;
like a bashful, blushing lover returned home.
"you've taken care of yourself since?"
"i guess in some sense. i mean...my grandma was there, my mom sometimes came home for me, and they were always there when it mattered. like, you know, school events."
when i turn back to face eddie,
he's wearing a look of sympathy.
"it's complicated. definitely not worth talking about anymore."
"do you want to move on?"
i nod my head instead of forming the words to say it.
"okay. we can move on."
i find myself smiling at how understanding he is.
even without words,
does he read the nod of my head,
the wringing of my fingers,
the biting of my lips,
and he responds so well.
"do you want to come over tomorrow?"
eddie studies me for a moment.
"like, front door knocking, greeting your dad kind of come over?"
"that kind, yes...he's been asking about you!"
i plead in hopes of making my case airtight.
i know i've won as soon as his eyes lock with mine;
they're soft with the impression of understanding.
"okay, yeah."
"yeah?"
he smiles,
though he tries not to,
and nods his head.
"yeah."
though there is so much left to figure out,
i find faith in this moment before me:
a glittering eddie at the promise of being welcomed into my home again,
where we are not meant to keep hidden and quiet.
myself,
growing giddy with elation at the idea of him walking through my front door to shake my fathers hand in welcoming,
after so much time apart.
my family.
i have my family again.
"are you ready?"
eddie asks now,
persisting through the grin sitting on his lips.
"yep. are you?"
"mhm."
eddie cranes his neck to survey the entirety of the diner,
where i follow in his efforts.
aside from us,
there is one other couple and a few morning truckers.
when his eyes have yet to still,
i question,
"eddie?"
"how fast can you run?"
"what?"
he faces me again with that mischievous smile and i know nothing good can come from it.
which is why i find it so hard to turn away from.
his promise of trouble looks so stunning.
"never dined and dashed, garlic clove?"
"oh,"
i guffaw.
"you're joking."
eddie takes my hand back into his and ushers me out of my seat to head right out the front door.
"look casual and they won't—"
eddie begins before the words,
"you two, stop!"
bring me to a halt.
with our hands still intact,
he gently tugs me forward in hopes of keeping a steady motion.
"come on!"
he says through a laugh.
we finally pile out of the diner and are running wildly down the street without having been caught.
my heart slams inside my chest,
waiting for the moment we're caught and deemed as thieves for the rest of our lives.
it's not until eddie squeezes my hand that i realize we're far away from the diner and are safe again.
"you're not supposed to run after you eat, you know. bad for digestion,"
he teases now that we've slowed to walking.
i give his arm a punch,
both for the taunt and his stunt,
while he laughs loudly.
"you're awful,"
i express through my own giggle.
i lean onto him as we walk and find that my hands are absentmindedly searching for his touch.
my hands wrap themselves around his arm to keep me close.
"i've never done anything like that."
"hm...i couldn't tell."
i roll my eyes at his jest.
"didn't know breakfast made you so sarcastic."
"there's just something about bacon that really gets me going,"
he says while playfully snapping his fingers.
when we fall into our rhythm of laughter,
i find him turning his attention towards me completely;
eyes glossed over with a look of ardency.
he brings me closer into him,
if possible,
and gifts my temple with a kiss.
we fall into a steady pace accompanied with comfortable silence,
before i interrupt it to ask,
"eddie...what happened to your parents? you don't...you don't talk about them."
i find that his grip on my hand grows tighter in a way only meant for fondness.
"there's not much to say."
i look up to him and slow to a stop.
i bring his head into my hands and bless the space between his eyes a tender kiss.
"whenever you're ready,"
i whisper.
there on his lips is an appreciative smile.
small and barely noticeable,
but so beautiful to someone who knows eddie;
knows him like i do.
he plants a kiss to the bridge of my nose before we begin walking again.
and when we do,
he offers,
"since we're meeting the family and all...how would you like to meet my uncle?"
"you mean it?"
eddie gives a laugh while he drapes an arm around me.
"i do. he'd like you...i hope."
when i look to him with a gaping mouth,
i'm met with a grin that signals his teasing.
"oh! you ass,"
i exclaim with a loud laugh.
though i am comforted by eddie's hand lying against my collarbone,
where his thumb will circle around the bone there,
i find that my heart grows heavier with each step closer to...
home?
i shake my head of the word.
it's not mine to claim.
i don't believe it ever was.
it used to be home,
past tense.
somewhere for me to merely rest my head and eat my breakfast.
it was not a home painted in colors of vibrant love.
nor was it a place of peace.
despite my will to stay ignorant to my parents past issues,
i can recall vividly hiding beneath my covers as their voices shook the house in argument.
all i could do then was pray it'd change.
that the man posing against my mothers chest,
in a silver finish,
would come down from that cross and help me.
the sounds of dishes clattering too loudly as an angry mother washed them,
hoping to rid herself of this anger towards her husband.
the sounds of my father scraping the bottom of the pan repeatedly when dinner was served,
hoping the answer to the chaos might be found in the charred scrapings.
all of this becomes white noise next to my beating lovers heart.
home was never this place,
was never georgia and was never my grandmas place.
home was always eddie munson.
the feeling of his hand in mine,
the revelation of "oh...this is love."
to feel wholeheartedly devoted to someone and never for a second doubt that they feel that, too.
to come into his arms at the end of the day and breath a heavy sigh because finally,
i am home.
a decade long burden had been freed from my chest the moment him and i came together again.
that is not coincidental.
where he goes,
i will go.
he is where i'll always belong.
when our bones are old and offer nothing but the creaking of joints,
when our hair is no longer shining with color but instead as grey as can be.
when i take my last breath in this life,
i hope it's by eddie's side.
and if life's cruel hands pull up apart once more,
then know it will be his name that leaves the space of my lungs and will hang forever in the air.
"you're quiet,"
eddie states with his eyes to me.
i find them and find home.
a smile dances across my lips at this.
"where's home for you?"
"huh?"
he asks with a laugh.
"like, when you think of home. where is that?"
eddie clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth while he thinks.
"i don't know. indiana?"
i can't help but to let a bout of laughter slip from my chest.
"what? what'd i say?"
he asks by my side,
laughing only because i am.
"you're clueless."
"well, then give me a clue,"
he exclaims while wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his lips to the soft spot of my neck.
i giggle when he does considering how much it tickles.
"you're my home. that's what i meant,"
i clarify as i bring a hand through his hair.
"oh,"
he whispers through a soft smile.
"i like that...yeah, yeah. you're my home, too."
i feel the smile on his lips grows larger when he tucks himself away into the crook of my neck.
every last bit of this melancholic ache leaves my barren body;
here,
i am reborn.
i shiver under this fact and tell eddie,
"thank you for everything."
we're nearing my house now,
which means we'll say goodbye until the sun sinks and the moon beckons above.
"you're my favorite part of the day, green girl."
he kisses my cheek in parting,
but not before i tangle myself into him just once more.
the kiss we share is cloaked in morning mist,
though our swelling hearts leave us with enough proof of our coming together.
we break apart but it's not long until eddie blesses my lips with just one more gentle, slow kiss.
"gotta learn to keep your hands off of me, l/n. what will the neighbors think?"
him and i share a grin at his teasing,
but it soon grows solemn when eddie picks my head up into his hands and says,
"whatever happens today, know that i'm here. okay? i'm not going anywhere. you can come home whenever."
eddie winks,
lays a kiss against my forehead,
and makes me promise to call him the moment things are settled.
i'm counting down the hours until i see him in the nightfall again.
but for now,
i inhale the air of this blessed morning and i find the strength eddie has granted me to push open the front door and face this ever so prevalent issue that looms over my head.
whatever happens today,
by the night i will be home in eddie's arm again.