One-Way Ticket | Jeon Jungkook

twenty

TW: Breakdown, trauma overcoming, mentions of sexual assault, body image issues, a whole lot of feelings and smut
I know it's a lot. This chapter was also hard to write.

Please please let me know what you thought of this chapter. It would mean a lot to me <3

When I was younger and still back in the states, I used to come to one particular place to find comfort. The internet was a nice place, filled with comforting videos of my seven most favorite boys. Through the screen they could cheer me up. All I had to do was listen to Hoseok's laugh, see Taehyung's boxy smile, read Jimin's sweet and comforting messages and I would instantly feel better. Bangtan had always been a safe space for me.

It still was. Even more now that I was dating Jungkook and real-life friends with the others. So, why didn't I seek them for further comfort? Maybe it was because I felt ashamed. I had already spent a whole day with six of them and they had done everything to make me feel better. And I did feel better, but only temporarily. Shouldn't I have been okay by now?... It had been weeks since the incident and I still wasn't okay. I still hadn't spoken to Jungkook or Marina, or even come close to being honest. Shouldn't I have been fine? Wasn't I overreacting? Was I simply too fragile of a person? Were the others growing annoyed at my behavior? -my need for a comfort I was too scared to reach out for. Was I emotional like a baby? Irritating and attention seeking?

I stared glossy eyed at the computer screen as I sat at my dining table in my apartment. Images of BTS' happiest moments from random Bangtan Bomb's played over and over again. The comfort I knew would always stay true. I didn't have the guts to seek them out in real life again, so I resorted to the next best version. I smiled at the guys. Happy and sad at the same time. Happy at the source of pure light to my soul before me, and sad at how it had all gone wrong so quickly.

Someone knocked on my door and I was jolted out of my trance, closing the tab, and instead switching to a studying site. I wiped away the soft sheer glean that had appeared at my eyes and ran to open the door. I found Jungkook at my doorstep. I looked up at him, all clad up in a long jacket and a thick scarf for the cold weather. He smiled at me, sweet and careful. "Hi kitten," he said, his voice matching his smile. Soft and smooth. "Hi." I mumbled back as a small smile reappeared at my lips. He stepped in, hung his clothes, and gently embraced me. He had been so careful these past weeks, as if any touch or tone slightly too harsh could break me into a thousand pieces. Maybe he was right.
​​​​​​​"Watcha doing?" He asked against the top of my head. I shimmied my way out of his arms and trudged back over to my computer. "Just studying." He silently followed me, a soft and understanding ah leaving his rosy lips as a breath. "I brought you some bungeoppang. It's really good." He said, placing a white plastic bag on the table as he sat down next to me. I could feel the warmth and smell the deliciousness oozing out of the bag. "Thanks," I said, but made no move to reach out for the bean filled fish. I could feel his searching gaze on me as I shopped through my notes, not actually working on anything.

I gulped as his eyes did not strain away from me for a single second. It went like that for a few minutes. Deafening silence as he looked for my attention and I shrunk on the inside. I felt terrible. This was affecting him too; it was radiating of his presence. His snappy eyes, his restless fingers, the way he took a breath, his sullen pout. Finally, he spoke up.
"Y/n, talk to me." I let my eyes drop to my lap and my fingers, eyes shying away from his that were boring into my figure. He took another deep breath. "Y/n, talk to me." He said again, sterner. I looked up at him and his hand immediately took mine in his. His doe eyes were big and pained. "Talk to me, please. Tell me what's wrong, I'll help you." I felt like I physically couldn't breathe. As if something tight of iron had been wrapped around my lungs and heart, choking them of air and life. I gulped down a tight breath of air. "Jungkook, I- I don't... I'm fine." fine fine fine fine fine fine fine. The word burned on my tongue.