bruised || h.g

ch.16 "it all happened so fast"

What had just happened?

We just kissed and he told me he couldn't do this?

I started to stare off, and I didn't know what to do, my mind and life became grey in a matter of minutes.

My mom came in with Nash & his mom with the doctor. I was still so out of it, my entire world came crumbling down on me right before my very eyes. It all happened so fast.

"Hey kiddo, you're awake" Elizabeth greeted.

"yeah, I wish I wasn't" I mumbled.

which I guess they all heard by looking at their facial expressions.

"Don't say that Tessa Marie." My moms voice clenched.

"Do you know I would be lost without you?" She snapped.

Her blood was boiling and I could hear her heart breaking between each word that left her lips.

"Strange. Considering you've done it the majority of my life, right? I mean, this isn't the first time I killing myself Mom." I laughed.

It wasn't funny, not at all. I felt bad for yelling at her, at my mom. But she shouldn't say that, considering she missed the majority of my life.

"Dont say that. That you've tried it before." her voice shakes on the "tried it before" part.

"Tried it? Can you really not say it? Kill myself. I tried to kill myself, again. Multiple times. Because my mom wasn't there to save me" A tear escaped my eye rolling down my cheek.

"That's enough. Tessa I think you could use some rest" My doctor said.

Nash looked at me, I could tell I hurt him. His sad blue eyes locked with mine, and then left. Everyone leaves, I'm not surprised. I'm just too much to take care of and so everyone leaves. Which I do not blame them, If I had to deal with me I would leave too.

Elizabeth stayed in the room, but I could tell her mind was a whole other universe away.

"Elizabeth.." my voice shaky after my argument I just endured with my mother.

"yeah Tess?" She asked sympathetically.

Great, I love sympathy.

"Where's Hayes?"

"He just left, he needed to shower and eat a little. I didn't want him to stay in this room alone with you, it would make him sad." She spoke.

"yeah, no I get it.." I stared at the walls that were surrounding me.

"He should be back in an hour, he refused to leave your bed side since we got here, but he finally came to his senses and left. It was weird, after denying to go home, He just decided to." Elizabeth told.

Because he can't be near me. He doesn't want to be near me. And I can't blame him. I'm a ticking time bomb. Blowing up when people least expect it.

I should have opened my eyes as soon as he woke up, but for some reason I didn't. && I cannot tell you why. I guess after being hurt for all these years, I just wanted someone to need me. But who am I kidding? I can't let people in, I've never been able to and I never will. My life has been a never ending sequence of lies and secrets. After being lied to all the time, I guess you just don't believe everything.

Actions do speak louder than words.

You think "Okay I get it, I'm prepared for the worst" but you hold out for that small hope, see, and that's what fucks you up. That's what kills you. That's what I did with Hayes, and now I'm stuck with the choices I've made.