Devil Doesn't Bargain (Completed)

Chapter 07: No One Can Save Me From This Despair

"I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
I'm not your problem anymore
So who am I offending now?
You were my crown
Now I'm in exile, seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before
So I'm leavin' out the side door"

~*~

There was a silence after Vegas left, and I sat on his bed, naked, not understanding what had happened.

"Vegas?" I whispered hesitantly, even though I heard the door slam after he ran out.

Something was wrong and I didn't want our first night to end this way. I looked at the desk and the papers on it, and stood up, feeling sharp pain in the bottom of my body. I hissed, taking my steps carefully, and walked over to the table, taking the random piece of paper from it. At the top was a date, from maybe five months ago, then a photo of me, Kinn, and Porsche, standing in the street eating ice cream. I remembered that day, friend made me go with them, fearing that someone would catch them alone. I stared at the girl, who was standing dangerously close to the road, and I accidentally touched the ice on cheek, leaving a vanilla trail on my skin. Kinn rolled his eyes on me and wiped the stain with a handkerchief. This very moment was shown in the picture, but I didn't understand where Vegas got it from. There was a short text underneath - Kinn and his lover, Pete.

I held my breath, then looked at the rest of the papers, all of them featuring me and his cousin, each signed the same. I felt everything steadily die inside of me, then I reached for a report that clearly said I was considered Kinn's new boyfriend. I lifted wet eyes, staring at the still closed door, and the truth slowly began to creep into my heart. It was just that. All this time Vegas cared about only one person, Kinn's lover.

Salty drops started to run down my pale cheeks, and I continued to go through the papers, read every passage, and wanted to laugh blankly. It is possible that these meetings may have given someone the wrong impression, but the man who wrote all these nonsense had an amazing imagination. I bent down, picking up one of the pages from the floor, which had fallen after Vegas's violent reaction, and felt the sperm trickle down on the inside of my thighs. My body shuddered in disgust as I realized exactly what I've done. I gave myself to a man who was only interested in me because of Kinn. This awareness hit me like a torpedo. I looked down and saw only few words.

"He's ordinary, nothing special, I don't quite understand where this fascination with him comes from to call him his love. Kinn is strange, he could have a better taste."

Underneath was my picture in uniform, I was standing right next to Porsche. On my side someone wrote "nothing interesting, looks boring, plain type" and on the other side, next to my friend face, "better option, nice face, sharp."

I think that's when my heart broke in two for the first time. I got to know this handwriting, I still had the note he left me at the cinema, hidden in my precious belongings, and I knew the person who commented on us was Vegas. So this is what I am in his eyes - ordinary, boring, nothing special. I closed my eyes, unable to look at the words, and took a hesitant step back, walking on the glass. A sharp edge cut through the body, but I ignored it. I picked up another photo, re-labeled, this time with the words "easy type, this is too simple" and I couldn't look at anything else. God, he was right. I was easy, easy enough to immediately agree to go to bed with him when he offered it. Easy enough to tell him I love him, though our relationship was mostly based on my pathetic attempts to follow him.

The others were right, Vegas was the devil that used me to get revenge on his cousin, and I let him. I knew what was said about him, understood what would happen if I didn't start to distance myself, but I didn't care. I wanted him so much that I was blind to everything else. Vegas never loved me, he didn't even like me. Every word, every touch, every gesture, kiss, look, the whole thing was false. Lie after lie and only me letting him wrap me around his tricky fingers, like an idiot. I gave him my heart and he threw it away in front of my eyes. God, what have I done.