Devil Doesn't Bargain (Completed)

Chapter 14: I Needed to Hate You to Love Me

"We'd always go into it blindly
I needed to lose you to find me
This dancing was killing me softly
I needed to hate you to love me"

~*~

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling numb in one hand. With difficulty, I lifted my tired eyelids and looked around in the darkness, immediately noticing a familiar figure in front of me. I breathed a sigh of relief, not fully understanding how Pete had appeared in my arms, but I moved closer, taking care not to wake him. The man snorted sweetly, his face pressed against my shoulder and fingers clasped on the front of my shirt.

I didn't know if I was dreaming or if he was really here. Maybe I drank myself to death and ended up in paradise? Although no, hell would rather be waiting for someone like me, so it would have to be true. I watched his long lashes falling over his face, flushed, full cheeks, and pouty, seductive lips that I had wanted to kiss from the moment I first saw him. Pete was beautiful, only a fool would not see it.

The hand ached from the weight of his head, but I wouldn't move now. I didn't want to wake him up, didn't want to see the constant uncertainty in his doe eyes. Now he looked so calm, so blissful. This was what I needed from life, him in my arms, cuddling like a kitten.

When I decided to get Pete back, both families were messed up. Everything from headquarters to security staff needed to be remodeled. I knew Porsche would need my help during this time like never before, but I warned him that my priority was to get Pete back. That was all I cared about now, and he agreed right away. He must have missed his friend as much as the rest. So I took Macau under my arm and went on a boat to the island without worrying about anything else.

Now, after more than three weeks, I was finally lying in bed with the love of my life and admitting to myself how much of an idiot I was. I should have come back for him much earlier, I should have fought right away, but the fear of what my father might do to him was too great. I didn't tell anyone about it, but when I was still a child, I found an abandoned dog by the road and took it home to make him recover. For weeks I was hiding it, until one day I went back to my room and found dog dead in the middle of the rug. My father was sitting at the desk, staring at me impassively.

"You have to get rid of your weakness," he merely said, and then left.

That day taught me two things, first of all, this man will do anything to take away what I love, and secondly, he will be very cruel at the same time, so I stopped caring. When I finally found someone to fill the void in my heart, the fear that seized me at the very thought of losing him made me prefer to back away rather than fight. Now, in retrospect, I understood how stupid my thinking was. Of course I should fight for him, and once I got him I should defend him with all my strength, but I acted like a fool and pushed him away, letting him think all these terrible things about himself. I didn't suspect that Pete would consider taking his own life as a result. I wanted so much to get him away from a man who would hurt him that I pushed him into the hands of death. How could I ever forget about this?

We lay together now, cuddled, me lost in thoughts, and him, moving closer to my body, until I felt his hot breath on my neck. What are you doing with me, Pete? How more obssesed you want me to be? I could smell the alcohol from him, mingling with the tempting scent of his body, and all I wanted was to taste that smooth skin. Three weeks of watching, touching, kissing, but nothing else. Torture, but how wonderful. Yes, I wanted to make love to Pete, I dreamed of a moment where we would be reunited. Our last and unfortunately only night was something perfect and I wanted more. Like addict, I've been thinking all this time about what it's going to be like when I feel myself inside of his tight, welcoming body. He will be moaning my name, whispering that he loves me and I will answer with the same. All those days were filled with nothing but him, and the nights turned into delightful torture as I dreamed about him leaning over me, letting himself be touched, bitten, licked.